LOVE is BLIND (ON GOING)

50

"Since the day that we met again after 5 years. Noong gabing pinakilala ka ni Vince sa pamilya niya. Noong gabing nagmakaawa ka sa akin na itago kay Vince ang tungkol sa atin."

It's been almost a year?

"Wow. Hindi mo talaga binalak na sabihin sakin? Kahit nung nagkasama na tayo sa iisang bahay? Kung hindi ko pa malalaman ngayon?"

I'm furious. Hindi ko matanggap na hindi niya sinabi sakin lahat. Eh di sana naalagaan ko pa siya ng maayos. Eh di sana naagapan namin ng mas maaga.

"Because I don't see any reason pa para sabihin sayo lahat. Gusto ko lang na makasama ka kahit saglit. Nung nakita kita na masaya na, na okay na, ayoko nang sirain ka ulit." Lily said.

"Hindi mo ba ako cino-consider as friend? I was there for you the whole time na nagsusuffer ka, Lily. And yet, hindi mo man lang naisipan na sabihin sakin yung totoo mong kalagayan. You even lied to me about this. Sabi mo, nabugbog ka lang sa bar. Pero ang totoo pala, malala na yung sakit mo. Bakit? Deserve ko ba 'yon?"

And now, my tears failed me again. Sobrang bigat. Sobrang sakit. Bakit puro sakit na lang sa tuwing si Lily na yung involved?

"I'm sorry, Jasmin. Ayoko lang din na kaawaan niyo ako. I'm really thankful kasi you were there for me noong panahon na mas kailangan kita. I'm sorry. Please don't cry."

Ilang minuto pa akong umiiyak lang sa pwesto ko. I want to give Lily a hug pero hindi ko magawa. I want to tell her that everything's gonna be okay katulad nang lagi kong sinasabi sa kaniya noon.

"What happened?" I asked Lily. Napa-buntong hininga muna siya bago nakapag salita.

"Leukemia. I'm almost done with my chemotherapy and the doctor said na makaka-uwi na ako anytime soon. Gusto ko na kasi na sa bahay nalang magpahinga."

"You'll get better, right?"

Of course she will, Jasmin. You watched too much movies kaya ganiyan ang nasa isip mo. I know Lily, she's a fighter.

"Oo naman. Kailan ba ako sumuko?" Lily said then laugh.

I'm contemplating whether I should ask her this or not. But I'll ask her anyway.

"Do you still want to spend time with me?"

I was hoping she will say yes. I just felt the need to be with her all the time, to take care of her, to make sure that she will drink her medicine. Just like I've always been from the start.

"No, it's okay. After everything that I did to you, Na-realized ko na hindi mo nga deserve 'yon. So yeah, you don't have to."

We fell silent for awhile. I don't know what to say anymore. Even if I want to spend time with her, I don't think I can handle her situation pa. Ayoko nakikita siyang nahihirapan. I decided to sit beside her bed.

"You have to get better, okay?" I said.

Lily laughed. I realized that her laugh is different now from what I used to love. Is it because she's in pain? If only I could take half of her pain, I would.

"Hindi kana galit sakin?" Lily asked.

"Hindi na, kung magpapagaling ka."

Tumango tango naman si Lily at ngumiti. She slowly closed her eyes and lean back a little. Hindi ko dapat pinapagod si Lily kaya sa susunod nalang ako makikipagtalo sa kaniya.

"I'll get better. Kailangan ko pa masaksihan ang kasal niyo ng kapatid ko." Sabi ni Lily habang nakapikit ang mga mata.

"Let's not talk about that right now. Galit pa rin ako sa kapatid mo." Pagkasabi ko 'non ay biglang napamulat si Lily at napatingin sa direksyon ko.

"Wag kana magalit kay Vince. Kasalanan ko naman lahat eh. Mag usap kayo, okay? Mahal na mahal ka ng kapatid ko, Jasmin. Hindi ako papayag kapag hindi kayo ang nagkatuluyan."

Hindi ako sanay na marinig kay Lily ang mga salitang yon. Parang dati lang, hindi siya papayag na hindi ako mapunta sa kaniya pero ngayon... it's different.

"It's funny how we always talked about our future together before when we're still together. I still remember asking you out of nowhere to be my wife." Lily giggled.

"I clearly remember that day. Hindi na talaga tayo mga bata. Nagbago na lahat. " I said. Everything is just... so different right now.

"Except for one thing. Mrs. Manoban ka pa rin naman in the future, sa kapatid ko na nga lang ikaw ikakasal."

She kept on talking about me being married like it's nothing. Ni-hindi ko pa nga naiisip na magpakasal eh. Not that I don't want to get married with Vince, I'm just not ready yet. And besides, it's not the right time for that. Kailangan muna ni Lily gumaling.

"Can you stop talking-"

"Sana kahit bago ako mawala, Makita ko kayong dalawa ng kapatid ko sa altar. I want to be there on your wedding day."

"Hey! Hindi ka mawawala, okay? You're not going to leave me again." Mangiyak-ngiyak kong sabi. Nakakainis naman tong babaeng to eh! Kung ano ano kasi sinasabi.

"We need to be prepared for that. I'm happy now, Jas. Ngayon ko masasabing... I'm letting you go. I already accepted the fact that we are not for each other. I'm grateful to be part of your life. And kahit wala na ako sa piling mo, you'll always have Vince. Siya na yung makakasama mong tumupad ng mga pangarap mo na hindi ko nagawang tuparin noon kasama mo."

"Bakit mo ba sinasabi yan?! Para ka namang namamaalam nan eh! Kapag iniwan mo ko ulit, magagalit na talaga ako sayo! Stop talking like that. I hate you!" I said between my sobs.

Hinawakan ni Lily yung kamay ko na nasa tabi niya. She gently squeeze it and said....

"Be happy, okay? 'Cause I'm always happy for you. Kahit hindi na ako."