LOVE is BLIND (ON GOING)

20

Jasmin

It's been a month since.... I saw Lily. I had to shoot for my new music video in London. Ilang araw na since nung naka'balik ako ng Pinas but hindi pa din ako nagpaparamdam kay Lily or even sa mga kaibigan niya. Because... I don't think I can face her.... after what I did to her...

Flashback

I just got back from London and sobrang excited na ako makita si Lily. I was about to go when Dad call me. He said he wants to talk to me. So I went to his office muna bago pumunta kay Lily.

"Dad, you want to talk to me?" I sat in front of him as soon as I got in to his office.

"Yes. Please, sit down." Dad said. He look stressed. I wonder what's happening.

"Are you still seeing Lily?"

Owwkay? Why did he suddenly ask this?

"Of course, dad. Actually I'm about to go to her after this." I'm still smiling kahit ang lungkot ng itsura ng Daddy ko.

"Why? Is there something wrong, Dad?" I'm starting to get nervous. Ayoko ng ganito.

"Princess... I don't think it's right for you to see her."

Suddenly I don't understand Daddy.

"Dad, I don't get you. What do you mean it's not right? I thought okay naman na sayo lahat?"

"Lily.... she's.... siya yung nasagasaan mo before princess... I'm sorry... I'm sorry if I lied to-"

"What?! No way... daddy sabi mo it was just a dog?! Please naman dad, kung ayaw niyo kay Lily just tell me, hindi yung gagawa ka pa ng kwento just to break us."

Pakiramdam ko maiiyak ako sa narinig ko... tama nga ba yung iniisip ko nung nagkwento si Lily sa nangyari sa kanya? Pero.... impossible eh...

"Jas, I'm not making things. The night I saw Lily, I know she's somewhat familiar to me. Siya yung nasagasaan natin... Hindi ko sinabi sayo yung totoo kasi ayoko mag isip ka ng kung ano ano. Nasa Minor age ka pa that time... you are too young. So, I handled it myself. I even ask for your Tito Eric who is a well known lawyer to help me. I paid for her hospital bills, and even the bills in the rehabilitation. I even insisted to give her treatment but her mom refused. Naka'usap ko yung mommy niya... I thought everything's okay. Kinasuhan niya ako but thanks to your tito Eric, he did everything to help me out."

Bullshit.

"Dad... do you think it's okay?! Mas gugustuhin ko nalang makulong kesa mang'maliit ng tao. Dad... I thought you're good. Akala ko iba ka sa mga business partners mo... but actually wala ka pa lang pinagka'iba sa kanila. You used your power. Sana hinayaan mo nalang ako yung magdusa sa kasalanan ko. Now what? Paano pa ako makaka'punta kay Lily without feeling the guilt knowing that I'm the one who did that to her?"

I don't know what to feel right now. Parang gusto ko nalang din magpa'bunggo.

End of flashback

Araw araw tinetext at tinatawagan ako ni Jina. But hindi ko sinasagot. Ngayon na yung alis ni Lily papuntang US for her operation. I wish I could see her for the last time. Naghanap ako ng donor ni Lily. I even thought of giving my own eyes. I paid for her operation not because I feel guilty... but because that's what she deserve. I took away the life that she has. And now, hindi ko na alam kung paano pa ako magpapakita sa kanya.

Jina's mad at me. Super mad. Bakit kailangan ko pa daw i'ghost si Lily. Kesyo dapat daw hindi nalang ako dumating sa buhay ni Lily. I understand Jina. I can't blame her. Tanga ako eh.

I don't think I need to explain to her everything. But I will talk to her.

-

I still went to the Samsung event kahit ang sama ng pakiramdam ko. Expected ko na na makikita ko si Jina dito, and guess what... She's here. Not as my fan, but as Jina, Lily's best friend.

After the event, napag'desisyunan ko na makipag'kita kay Jina sa isang coffee shop malapit sa company namin. I haven't told Rose na kasama ko si Jina ngayon. I guess, surprise?

Ilang minutong walang nagsalita samin ni Jina. Feeling ko any time pwede akong maiyak kapag nagkwento na ako.

"So all this time nandito ka lang pala. Ibig sabihin nababasa mo lahat ng mga texts ko sayo. Alam mo naman siguro kung gaano ka ka'mahal ni Lily diba? She have never love anyone like you before and you know that. Bakit, Jasmin? Anong nangyari?" Kalmadong sabi ni Jina.

I can't look straight in her eyes.

"Yeah, nababasa ko lahat ng texts mo. I'm sorry, Jina. If only I could tell you everything. Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano ako haharap sa kanya... sa inyo... Wala akong lakas ng loob. Kaya magalit kana sakin.... I don't deserve Lily. She's just... too good."

Naka'tingin lang si Jina sakin. Nagsimula na pumatak yung luha sa mga mata ko. Mahal na mahal ko si Lily, pero hindi ko matanggap na ako yung dahilan kung bakit siya nahihirapan.

"Are you saying that because you have Kai now?"

"What? No. Yung about samin ni Kai.... it's just for media play. Nothing's going on between me and Kai. He likes me, but you know I love Lily."

So kalat na nga talaga yung issue na yung tungkol samin ni Kai. Kaya din ako nawala ng ilang linggo because of that. Hindi ko alam kung ano na naman bang kailangan sakin ng company ko. Ang dami ko ng iniisip dumagdag pa 'to.

"Lily's in US now. Her operation is tomorrow. Alam mo din ba yun?"

How can I not know that? :(

"No. But... thank you for telling me."

"I'm telling you this because I want you to know. You're still part of Lily's life. And... alam kong mahal ka pa nun. Kung ano man 'yang dahilan mo... Lily deserves to know that. Madami ng pinagdaanan si Lily, kaya alam kong kaya niya to." 

Lily deserves to know the truth :( Pero matatanggap pa ba niya ako sa sobrang dami na ng kasinungalingan na ginawa ko sa kanya?