anguish// 5SOS

13

Saffron

"Why does talking with you always go so fast?" I mumbled, "Have a good day at school,"

"I love you. Please take care, Saffron,"

"I will. I love you. Bye,"

I blew Esme a kiss and then ended the call, sighing. Why did this have to happen?

Everyday I asked myself that question, but I would never get an answer.

Downstairs, Ashton and Calum were cooking, but I just laid up here in sadness as usual. Not only had I been ripped from mum, but also Esme, who was my safety net.

Yet I was supposed to start a new school and make new friends as if no one back home existed.

I grabbed her cardigan and put it on, then sprayed her perfume on it and laid down, bundling my face into it. If I tried hard, I could imagine being bundled up in her arms.

Warm. Safe. Comforting.

I wanted to be surrounded by girls again, not boys. They were all lovely, they were, but I just missed being round people my age who got me. All my friends especially.

Ashton called me down to eat, so I sat down at the table and saw the huge roast dinner waiting for me. I didn't want to eat all of that.

"How's your head feeling?"

"Not good,"

"Eating will help, you need all of that food," Ash said, "It's full of nutrients that will help you heal,"

"I can't eat it all,"

"Try your best, darling, I know it's hard,"

"Do you really know?" I mumbled, "How I'm feeling right now? I don't have the energy to pick up my fork anymore. Whatever energy was here this morning has gone,"

"We will sit with you as long as it takes,"

"I don't want to," I said, pushing my chair back, "I just wanna... go home,"

"Saffron, darling, you're getting weak. Your body needs this food,"

"I ate lunch,"

"You're supposed to have three balanced meals a day, and 8 hours of sleep, which you haven't had since you got here,"

"I slept last night,"

"Okay, that was the first time, though. You fainted,"

"Maybe I'd rather be unconscious,

"No," Calum said, "Eat some food, please. I am not losing you too,"

"Don't guilt trip me into it,"

"Sorry, that wasn't intended, but I'm sorry,"

Ashton took my hand and squeezed it, then put carrot on my fork and handed it to me. Reluctantly, I ate them, then picked at my food enough to make my stomach not rumble.

It was like a switch had been flicked in my brain as soon as mum had died. Normality was gone. For the past few hours it had really sunk in and driven itself into my brain.

"I can't eat anymore,"

Both of them looked panicked, and I gulped, looking down at my lap. I wasn't going to cry anymore. Instead, I would be strong.

"May I go upstairs?"

Calum hesitated before agreeing, so I slowly tackled the stairs and climbed into my bed, holding the cardigan to my face again.