anguish// 5SOS

10

Saffron

I laid my head on Calum's lap, clutching Ashton's hand as I sobbed, gasping for air.

"We've got you,"

"I just wanna sleep,"

"I know babygirl, I know. We're gonna figure this out,"

"What time is it for Esme?"

"If you call someone then you will be way too awake," Ashton said, moving the hair out of my face, "Has anything ever helped you sleep in the past?"

"Warm milk," Calum said, "I'll get you warm milk,"

My head flopped onto the bed as he got of it, Ashton laying down to face me, quietly shushing me.

"You're so brave,"

"I can't do this,"

"You can, you can do this," he said desperately, "We will always help you get through this,"

"I can't,"

"We're gonna get through this, all of us, however many people you need to support you," he whispered, "This is the hardest time of your life, I know it is darling, and I sympathise so much. It's okay to cry, you're gonna have nightmares and feel anxious. It's normal,"

"I'm so tired,"

"Here, have a drink," Calum said, sitting down on the bed. Ashton sat me up and I scooted into Calum's side, taking the mug of warm milk from him.

As I drank it, he ran his fingers through my hair and played with it a little, how mum always used to- which I think he knew. Though I took some shaky breaths, I managed to calm myself down, and let the exhaustion take over me.

"Is it warm enough?"

"Yeah,"

"Good. Do you have warm milk every night?"

"When I'm sad or have had a bad day," I sniffed, "Or when I want,"

"Maybe for now we should start doing it, like Esme said. It won't do any harm,"

He put my mug on the side and I rubbed my eyes, letting Ashton hug me before he left. Calum laid us both down and then my eyes drooped, putting me to sleep at once.

"No, no, no,"

I jolted awake as the sound of a voice, rolling over to see Calum fast asleep, mumbling to himself. He started to whimper, so I shook him slightly, letting out a yelp as he shot his eyes open.

"Fucking hell," he mumbled, "Are you okay?"

"Are you?"

"I guess you're not the only one getting nightmares," he hummed, "I'm just gonna... find Ash,"

"He's gonna be at work,"

"Oh- right, yeah. Um...,"

"It's okay if you need to cry. I'm not the only one grieving,"

Almost immediately, he began to tear up, and buried his head in my shoulder as we hugged. I knew how hard the nightmares were, and no matter how old or young, they sucked. Especially ones about mum.

"They leave you shaken up," he sniffed, "We're gonna be okay. Would you like breakfast?"

"Yes please. I'm calling my friends soon,"

"Okay darling, I'll bring it up to you. I just wanna clear my head,"

While he went downstairs, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through social media for a bit, gratefully taking the eggs on toast from Calum. While he went into his room, I propped my phone on my desk and sat there, anticipating the call from anyone.