anguish// 5SOS

6

Saffron

The next morning, I wrote a few words.

I put my yellow dress on and looked in the mirror. Last night I had braided my hair while it was damp, so now it was wavy and covered my cut at the back of my head.

It was kind of cold, but Joy had come over early, and brought me a white cardigan to wear with it. We wouldn't be outside long, I hoped, and a small part of me was glad that we were hosting everyone as I needed the company.

"You look beautiful," Calum said, "Are you... er, ready to go?"

"I'm not ready, but we can go,"

He nodded and wrapped his arm around me, Joy and Ashton already at the bottom of the stairs. I clutched the paper in my hand and then slid my trainers on. They weren't formal, but we were colourful, and mum didn't care.

Ashton was in the most hideous tropical top, but I suspected it linked back to the day at the beach, meanwhile Calum wore a burgundy top, and not his usual smile. He looked more and more tired every day.

On the way, I texted my groupchat to let them know what was happening. Even though it was the middle of the night, Esme replied, and a couple of others. I'd miss them all so much.

You've got this Saffron. I love you x

Call us later? Xx

If you need anything just let us know

I had the best friends, but there was a chance we could lose contact and never speak again. That alone almost sent me into tears today.

When we got there, Calum and Joy went to speak to whoever was running it, and Ashton hugged me tightly. It was chilly, but dry and not windy which was good.

He let go of me to hug Luke and Michael, who both held onto me as if I was a piece of my mum, then the parents came too and quietly took their place.

"Are you speaking?" Luke asked, "I love your dress,"

"Daddy!"

A small boy ran over, a flustered woman following, swooping him into her arms.

"I'm sorry,"

"It's okay," I smiled, "My mum loves little kids,"

"I'm Alec,"

"This is Sierra, my wife. You need to be super silent for this Alec, it's a very special moment,"

"I am zipped up,"

"You're crazier than your dad," Michael mumbled, "Let's go and stand over there,"

Joy joined the parents while Calum wrapped his arm round me, standing us between Michael and Luke. It went silent for a few moments and then Michael squeezed my hand, the service beginning.

When they brought it in, I expected some music that was somber, but instead her favourite song to dance to burst out.

"Oh... yeah, we didn't get to plan any of the funeral apart from the photo," Calum mumbled, "Can you believe this?"

"It's exactly how she wanted it," I hummed, wanting to laugh and cry at the same time. I couldn't believe something so upbeat was playing while her dead body lowered into the ground.