anguish// 5SOS

4

Saffron

As the front door opened and shut, I looked up, seeing a man in scrubs enter the house.

"Hey," he said quietly, "I'm Ashton,"

"Yeah,"

"I'm gonna go and change then we can chat if you want, or not, if you don't want,"

I nodded and he went upstairs, Calum still holding me in his arms. My knees were tucked up on the sofa and I was mentally and physically exhausted in a way I'd never been before.

At this point, all I could do was cry or sit in silence.

My stomach cramped. I felt hot and sweaty.

"Ash will speak for a bit, then we will cook, okay?"

"Okay,"

Ashton came back downstairs and sat on the other sofa, giving me another small smile. His hair flopped over his eyes, opposite to Calum's short hair, and he had glasses on as well.

"How long have you been home?"

"About an hour," Calum said, "We were very eager to leave,"

Restraints. Needles. Helicopter.

"Has it just been a day of letting the medicine wear off then?"

"Yeah, they had her on way too much,"

Cold. Stiff. Dead.

"Did you get any injuries?"

Hugging. Crying. Falling.

I threw up, not being able to stomach the memories of the past few days. Cal pulled my hair back and Ashton got me a bucket, a small amount of sick coming again before stopping.

"I just remembered,"

"It's okay,"

"I touched her dead body," I whispered, my voice cracking, "I hugged it,"

"I know, and I can't imagine how difficult that was,"

"Have you er... spoken to Luke?"

"They met,"

"I don't wanna talk to him,"

"Throwing up over these memories is where we draw the line, I think you should," Ashton said, gently wiping my mouth with a tissue.

"You're not mum, only she can tell me what to do,"

"No, I'm not, but she trusted me and all of the guys with you, which includes more than a bed and a meal. Your physical health, your mental health, your education, and creating fun memories. His office has beanbags, and blankets, or the sofa... there are bottles of water and you can write a journal to discuss,"

"No. I've not even buried her yet, I'm not forgetting her. When is her funeral?"

"Saturday,"

"She wants colours,"

"I know, and we'll find a pretty dress if your clothes haven't come by then,"

"I'm gonna clean up the sick," Ashton said, "Why don't you show her the room?"

Nodding, Cal squeezed my hand and stood, making me follow him upstairs. There was a corridor with photo frames hung up all the way down- several of mum and Cal- and he opened the first door you could see to reveal my room.

Walking into it felt like a hotel room. The bed was neatly made with a canvas hung above it. A desk was there, as well as a wardrobe that was built into the wall, and a navy blue rug matched the feature wall behind the bed. Best of all, there was a window seat.