anguish// 5SOS

11

Saffron

"Lets go get our treat," Calum said, pulling me into a hug as I made my way over.

"You've definitely earned a slice of chocolate cake for that," Luke said, "Is it okay if I see her again on Thursday? I think we need to talk more before school, but then it should be once a week for a bit,"

"Definitely. It went well?"

"Yeah," Luke said, squeezing my shoulder, "I'll see you soon, good job for today,"

I nodded and looped arms with Calum, tugging at him to walk away; obliging, he led me down the corridors and out to the carpark, where I sped to the car.

"Saffron, love, it's okay. It feels strange, but it's okay,"

"I wanna leave,"

"How was it?" he said, holding my door shut, "Okay?"

"Yeah. It was good, but I wanna go home. I feel too out of my comfort zone,"

"Okay, great,"

I got into the car and rubbed my eyes, shaking my head. I had to relive it. But this time it was a tiniest bit easier- or, at least, I didn't feel like I was going to throw up.

"Would you like to play crazy golf? Or wander round town?"

"No thankyou,"

"Would you like to do anything? I would really like to do or get you something special,"

"I just wanna go home and wait for my things,"

"Have a think, otherwise I'll surprise you,"

"Stop trying to be like a dad!" I blurted out, slapping my hand over my mouth as I said it. It had been in the back of my head, but I hadn't meant to say it.

His cheeks went red and he look at me in confusion, then turned back to the road.

"I'm not trying to replace a parental figure. I was aiming to be like an uncle,"

"I'm sorry,"

"Don't be sorry,"

"I'm overthinking things," I sniffed, "Sorry. Today was the first time I spoke about it since it happened,"

"You're so brave, sweetheart. It's okay to feel like this,"

"Everything is so shit,"

"I know," he said, parking the car in the first spot we saw, "I know it's shit,"

A van pulled up beside us and started getting boxes out, so Calum went to speak to them, before ushering me inside.

We'd just got into the flat when the first box came, and gradually, the hallway became full of them. I never remembered us owning so much stuff, but apparently we did.

Calum shut the door for the last time and then peeked into the first box, passing it to me.

"This looks like yours,"

"What do we do with mum's things?"

"I'll get her clothes to my mum to sew, then we will look through it between us and decide what to keep,"

"Okay,"

He followed me with another box of my things and then I began to empty it, him doing the same.

"Can I hang my flag up, please?" I asked, "Is that okay?"

"Of course it is okay,"

"I got it at pride,"

"It's the lesbian one, right?"

"Yeah. Esme sewed a flower on it once because she came over while I was sick and had nothing better to do,"