My Bad Boy {Griff X Reader}

Update

Umm, I kinda lost motivation to even continue this story, it's a mess. I was planning on rewriting it but I don't have the energy to write anymore. I've been going through a lot since the beginning of sophomore year. My parents separated, we moved in with my moms boyfriend who was the reason why my family broke apart, I've been in a really bad mental place and I've been having really bad self esteem lately. Don't read if you are sensitive to eating disorders or depression:(. Since quarantine started I started restricting myself from food because I'm constantly getting told I'm gaining weight or how I'm big from my size(since I'm short), it got to the point where I feel disgusted by eating & if I eat I get nauseous at the thought of gaining weight as end up making myself vomit it back out. I started to make myself stuck to drinking water, black coffee and eating ice if I get hungry. I still eat bananas & apples because it makes me feel okay. Lately the only way I feel okay is if I'm in the bathroom vomiting our my food or crying all my pain out. My mom doesn't really notice because she hasn't really payed attention to me, she thinks I'm just too lazy to make myself food. My dad started noticing so I forced myself to eat when I was at his house & during that time I had the urge to vomit it back out or cry. I'm so focused on trying to be like how my mom wants me to be since she always tells me I need to lose weight, when my family members that I haven't seen since I was 10 tell me I'm pretty or have a nice body she always tells them I'm big for my age or how I too chubby, or how I never help around. It really hurt sometimes to hear that because I keep trying to reach her standards but sometimes it seems like I'll never be able to be the daughter she wants. Every time we have a conversation it ends with us arguing. Our relationship is in flames already, sometimes I just want to run away from here, to feel free from my house. My house just feels like it's suffocating me. I have to lie to my dad all the time that my mom isn't seeing her boyfriend(who he doesn't know she's dating) because he still loves my mom. I feel so guilty having to lie to him because my dad is one of the reasons why I haven't done anything stupid. I don't ever want to hurt him more than how my mom hurt him. I just wish I could disappear for at least a month to get myself straight. I want to be okay but It's so hard to even love myself. I constantly try to seek validation from someone. I wish I could go back to before things got bad, I wish I could tell my past self the pain I'm going through. I wish I could tell my past self that I don't have to listen to my moms words but it's really hurts. It hurts hearing her think so low of me. I don't have anyone to help me through this. If I tell my sister or brother they'd just make fun of me or try to tell people about it. I mean they themselves call me names. It just hurts not having someone to help me pick up my broken pieces. It hurts having to cry in the bathroom quietly even though I just want to scream out that I'm not okay.