I blew out a puff of smoke, letting it swirl around me. From inside I can hear the others arguing about something like per usual. Probably about me, no doubt. I came in looking like a mess, not even bothering to hide it. My mood was not the best and everyone saw that. I knew that they would immediately assume it had something to do with Gabriella and they weren't wrong.
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Smoking wasn't something that I ever really did, only when I was very stressed and I was stressed often, but not to the point that I would rely on a cancer stick to calm me down. Being here now, with this thing in my hand, proved to me how real this situation was.
Gabriella and I, we fought every now and then, and we had our moments, but it never got this severe or to this point where I thought we would finally be over. I couldn't help but blame this all on that Anthony guy. He just came into our lives like he had the right and ruined everything. I knew there was something about him that I didn't like when I first met him. There was something about him that was off putting, that didn't sit well with me.
The sound of the exit door creaking causes me to quickly drop the cigarette and crush it with my foot. Shoving my shaking hands into my pocket, I glance over my shoulder to see Jinyoung standing there. He raises a brow, probably having caught the smell of cigarettes as he opened the door.
I don't answer him and turn away. The door shuts and footsteps approached, stopping a few feet from me. "May I ask what this is all about?" I keep my mouth shut and he sighs. "Jackson...you don't look so great. Is this about Gabriella again? What's going on with you two? Did she say something?"
I scoff, shaking my head. It's everything she said. "Why are you badgering me with all these questions?"
"Because I'm your friend, Jackson. I'm worried about you! We're ALL worried about you." His footsteps came closer until it felt like they were now just behind me. "So much is going on between you guys that it makes us all question your relationship."
"What's there to question? We love each other." I replied bitterly, the words leaving a sour taste on my tongue. Love. Love? What was that? Did we love each other or was it just the lust?
"How do you know she loves you?"
My head whips around and I'm forced to meet his eyes. My gaze burns into his as my fingers close around the ring that was settled at the bottom of my pocket. We were young and stupid, we didn't know what real love was, but one thing was for sure, you could tell when you loved someone, you could feel it. "It's the little things. Like, when I fall asleep in my studio and wake up with a blanket on me. Like when she comforts me when I feel alone. When she holds me in her arms just because. I don't know if she loves me, maybe those are just acts of kindness. Only she knows the truth."
"And do you love her?"
"No." I stated immediately, taking him by surprise.
It would take everyone else by surprise too. But they didn't understand. Loving someone and being in love with someone were completely different things. I love my family, my friends, my job, my fans, my music; I can say I love everything, but I can't be in love with everything or everyone. Maybe that's what was different about Gabi and I. We didn't love each other. We were in love with one another, but were too afraid to admit that. It's hard to commit and admit your feelings to someone, especially with the fear that your heart might get broken. I already went through that once, it would be hard for me to go though it again. This was Gabi's first relationship and I don't want this to be something she'll regret in the end.
