as gulf landed europe, the company assigned someone that can pick up him from the airport and bring him to a condo unit, that where also included in his contract..the condo has 2 rooms not so big not so small, a small kitchen a bathroom, it was ok for him, he thought about how his condo and khai back then in north, it wasnt big as what mew has, but they loved that condo it holds so much of their memories, he was welcome of a cold breeze of winter.. he wasn't sure of his decision but he think that it was the best for mew as of the moment.. he work really hard that the company was very delighted since he attract more clients, just after 2 years he was assign to be the leader of his team, the first year in europe was a mess for him, his nightmares back, he cannot sleep at all..panick, dizyness was always there, he cannot eat properly he decided to go seek a prof. help, there he meet Bright a young and intelligent psychiatrist that happens to be the nephew of his supervisor, he told him his problem and to he decided to take some session with bright, he was also surprise that bright advice him to buy this special candles that is effective on helping anyone to get a better sleep, bright told him to focus on those happy memories, he also said that whatever the things i still have that belongs to that person i missed or loved i ca still used it and think that they are still with me, i thought i will not survive but i played mew videos day and night, his pictures are the last and first thing i look in the morning and at night time, the candles is really a big help, i used mews sando that i intentionally bring when i left, his laughters and smile in those videos that i have in my phone became my strength, those happy memories with him became my inspiration and in no time, i make new friends that help me to improve my social life and able to enjoy after a tiring day of my work, i already pass the the first year and joms already visited me twice, i celebrate my first x-mas and new year with her, time fly so fast that its already my 3rd year in the country when i recieved a call from mild, telling me that he will be engaged by boat and wants me to be in bangkok..iam nervous just hearing the word bangkok but i know it could also be the perfect time to be back..thailand holds so much memories of him good and bad..
khai iam not still really sure if its not you iam seeing with mew, iam i like this with him because somehow in my heart it feels like you are still alive? i didnt even see your body, you were not even there when i wake up from the hospital the nurse and doctor said you already died, and that your family take you already and since iam not your direct family, i dont have the right to ask for those information for confidentiality, i cried and begged them khai but nah i didnt get anything..i didnt had the courage to come back to our condo, i just can't, i tried how many times but my knees gets weak everytime i try to walk towards that building, mild manage to get me new place to stay and help me all through out, i was a living dead for the first year that you're gone khai, i never though i can make it, until mild tell me that you will surely not be happy seing me like this, i manage to be better everyday khai, though my condition still there atleast the attacks and dizziness lessen, mild manage to convince me to leave north and stay to bangkok and look for something that could keep me busy, but that moving on i was aiming shuttered when i saw mew, you have the exact face with him khai, imagine that, seems the world is telling me not to forget about you, help me khai help me clear my mind.. i felt the same with you and when iam with mew but is it mew really or is it you i was seeing all this time..when we are heading to bangkok that year we got into accident you were about to tell me something khai what is it? khai did you miss me? i miss you or i miss mew? iam really confused and even iam away from him for almost 3 years now, i still cannot figured out if its mew or you iam seeing..i know your happy up there khai..pls. always guide me my first love..
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it was another night were mew is soo much wasted, its been 5 months since gulf leave him, he drown himself into whiskey at night and too much work in the morning, he passed out how many times, this went on and on as days and months passed by until a year.. seems there is no hope for mew to fix his life, everyone around him is worried and sad to what is happening, boat didnt leave his side even a minute after he overdosed his self , if boat was late even for 5 minutes mew might not be here in the present, until mews parents cannot take it anymore...
"mew please stop this nah.." his mother is crying so much while hugging him.
"rhai will not be happy with this, we didnt inform you, we dont want you to feel upset but the one who donates your heart mew its from rhai, he give you his heart, and if you want to vanished in this world, its feels like we will lost rhai twice mew..... have pitty on us, we only have you and grace, dont make us loose you and rhai again.." his mother is sobbing and almost faint.. it really hit me hard! i hugged my mother back and ask for her forgiveness "pls. take care of rhai heart mew, pls. bby pls?"
that particular moment i know i can't just give away rhais heart, i can still drink but not too much, and very often, i try to look for something that will make me busy, i accept more clients and proposal, it was really hard at first, but everyday i always remind myself that its not just me its rhais heart, i did also travel a lot esp, to beaches rhai love beaches, i open myself to some blind dates but always end up having new friends instead of a romantic relationship, as i contact again the agent that looks for rhai whereabouts when he leave us and learned that he is my brothers lover (A/N just to remind that this flash back about the agent and mew meet up is already in part 9) i try to forget gulf its not just right and proper gulf is my twin brothers first and last love, if he is here he wouldnt be happy with the fact that im in love with his first love... iam sorry rhai, iam sorry i fall in love with your first love, but i promise i will forget him..i will move on and forget about him..i promise rhai...
(A/N: this will just be short, since its only a glimpse of the past years of how MG manage their lives and make it to the present.)
