I wish that you would love me just like yesterday, don’t let go of this hand ever again
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It was a Monday afternoon as she had just come back from work when she layed on her bed totally exhausted.
Something in the back of her mind had been gnawing away at her and she groaned- sitting up to shove her face into her hands.
She closed her eyes, the darkness reminding her of the loneliness that encased around her and the air instantly chilled.
The house was quiet- it had been for the last nine months.
However, it was almost like she could hear her brother's contagious laugh ringing around the halls as he ran with Seowoo's diary.
The muffled sounds of her parents scolding them for making such a racket but the two were high on adrenaline- laughter bubbling from their lips and air swishing past them as they ran.
"Min! Give it back please!" She exclaimed, practically begging him for it back with her abdomen aching from laughing too hard.
The boy shook his head, mischievous glints shimmering in his eyes. "Never, you'll have to catch me!"
Seowoo turned her head, eyes falling to the door that was opened halfway and wide enough to see into the hallway and directly to the door opposite hers.
A room she hadn't entered since that day.
A part of her felt guilty, guilty for almost brushing it aside as if it never happened.
The girl shook away the thoughts, pushing it to the back of her mind as she swallowed the lump growing in her throat and getting off her bed to walk over to her wardrobe.
Yes she could get hurt, it was an incredibly stupid risk to take but she couldn't see how any injury she could suffice from would ever equate to his death.
A part of her almost craved the thrill, craved the adrenaline and drive to seek revenge- anger bubbling inside her as she stared at the pictures pinned up to the wall of her wardrobe.
The girl let her eyes linger on the last picture she had of her brother- it had been the day of him proposing to his long term girlfriend.
Lips outstretched into a beaming smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle and orbs sparkle from the flash that captured the moment.
His happiness was engraved into her mind, the happiness she saw flash before her eyes into a pained expression before there was no expression at all.
Unknown to her, her hands began to tremble- palms sweaty and suddenly the four walls around her felt too claustrophobic.
"I'm so happy to start a new chapter in my life, everything is perfect." "Yeah right, no need to rub it in." Seowoo commented- glancing at Jeongmin who layed on her bed as she studied at her desk.
"I've never been so excited Woo, I feel like I'm finally ready to allow myself to be happy without feeling guilty for it. It's so rewarding knowing everything I have done in life is paying off."
"Everyone deserves happiness." Seowoo commented and Jeongmin glanced at his sister's back. "Maybe not everyone." She added, remembering the types of people he comes in contact with.
"Aren't you happy? Finally getting into college." "Of course I'm happy, I'm just- I don't know... I just want to see the world." She admitted with a shrug.
"Really?" He asked, sitting up with sparkling eyes. "Let's make a bucket list together, go see the world and go skydiving!"
Her eyes subconsciously drifted over to her wall, the map in the middle of it with sticky notes all around it about the places they wanted to visit with a list underneath it.
Her tongue grazed over the inside of her cheek as she balled her fists up. Breaths becoming increasingly shallow and shorter- chest rising and falling as she forcefully tore her eyes away to her window.
"You see the stars Woo?" "Of course I do, it's literally the sky." "Shh, well anyway- don't you think the stars make you feel less lonely?"
Seowoo shrugged, uninterested as she scrolled through her phone. "They're just stars." "We should go star gazing."
She felt the indescribable pressure grow heavier on her chest as she screwed her eyes shut- placing her palms over it to block out the memories that resurfaced.
Walking over to the bed, she harshly sat down on it as her legs practically gave in- unable to help the way her throat clenched and the feeling crawled up with mercilessly ripping it.
Her head spun, stomach churning as her leg uncontrollably bounced up and down- gritting her teeth as she was no longer able to withstand the way she felt trapped.
Immediately bolting out of the suffocating room, stumbling on her steps as she rushed out with black ants dancing across her vision- light headed
"I'm worried." She heard the muffled sounds of her parents talking amongst the TV playing in the background. "Seowoo hasn't cried since the funeral, do you think she needs to talk to someone about Jeongmin?" Her mother voiced to her father who sighed.
"I don't know, maybe give her some time.' "Time? It's been nine months and she still can't say his name without wanting to throw up- is that normal? She doesn't talk to us either, do you think she feels low?"
Seowoo was finished typing her laces as she stood up, grabbing her jacket as she wordlessly listened to them speak.
"Maybe she's depressed, do you think we need to go to the doctors? I think she might have anxiety and I know pills can help."
"Thanks for diagnosing me yourselves." She whispered to herself with a shake of her head as she left the house.
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