Duality | Monsta X [√]

a/n + reflection

Obviously the manly, tats and abs boys scared her fragile heart. Then another thing happened, I got my quote on quote kpop hater brother into Monsta x.

How? He said he liked their manly, badass and scary aura (the exact reason I couldn't get my best friend into Monsta x) and my brother told me, "these boys are not like your other idols. I might just listen to them."

And he still does, I tell you. My twenty year old brother (who's a year younger than me) says Minhyuk is the most handsome man on earth (though he only says slimy shit like this when he's high on insomnia enough)

Spending years with Monsta x and kpop in general I realized that a lot of kpop stans had/ has the same notion about them, "These big guys are intimidating."

When they never intimidated me, well, I'm mortifying enough on my own so I guessed why.

One day when I was thinking about all these a sudden idea struck me. How about I write a fanfiction, where the main lead thinks monsta x are bad guys only to realize their true nature when she finally get to be an insider.

Because monsta x truly are babies, they are the funniest, the bestest boys and has a very strong bond between them under the 'manly/ badass' aura. I wanted to bring out exactly that.

That's why you read this whole story in an outsider's (Daisy's) POV. You get to be her and you get to see why these 'bad boys' really are anything but 'bad boys'. You get to see her find that she's no different than them, she has similarities with each of them.

That's also why you get bewitched by the description of the book, you think it's a gang au and only in the middle of the story you realize- oh shit, it's not.

Now I'd like to touch on the fact that I've had this idea for so long that I can't even remember. I started plotting in early 2019 when I couldn't write anything being so busy with university. I only had time to create a general outline and worked on it inside my head.

Just when I thought I'd post it a disaster happened, Wonho had to leave Monsta x.

I don't even want to talk about that. Those were the worst memories, I was fucked up, that's the only way to describe it. As I've said I've spent years with Monsta x and Wonho was/ is my first bias.

It took me a lot of time to recover. In the meantime I posted the first chapter back in December, 2019 and unpublished (because I still wasn't stable mentally) and reposted again on March, 2020.

Because another disaster had happened, my phone got stolen from my dorm on February 13, right before valentine day and all about luv release screw you, thief HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL! 

The situation broke me because that was an expensive phone I got as a birthday gift. The fact that it was stolen when I was sleeping gave me nightmares for days.

Adding on, I had several drafts, characterizations of duality that got lost with my phone.

Sad, right? I was so demotivated I did not know what to do. Honestly, I would've never been able to pick myself up again and finish this book if quarantine did not start in my country. So thanks, COVID 19 you did at least something good.

It took me a long time to finish this and I never take so long with a fanfic. The push and pull game was strong with this one, on days I was so on verge to give up, but I did not. Because I've given up on some works on the past and they still haunt me. I hate losing to myself.

I think the reason why I lost so many potential readers for this book was because of me, stalling. Still I'm very proud I could somehow reach here, I could put the completed tag on this story. Though the characters grew on me so much I'm sad to bid them farewell.

There are some chapters I'm not proud of, then there are instances I'M REALLY REALLY PROUD OF. You'll notice that the writing gradually became better towards the latter chapters, it's because quarantine also gave me time to polish my writing.

Thank you again, for reading this story and thank you if you read this reflection part too. I wish I could take you out on a coffee date (because I'm very lonely and also because I love you)

Hope this is not goodbye. I'll focus on until the end of time, my wonho story which is totally different than this but has at least a stable writer from the beginning.

Stay happy and stay yourself,
You're so beautiful that I'd like to get married to you on mars someday.