Duality | Monsta X [√]

22: Like the movies

It's better to be held
than holding on

-She's in the rain,
the rose

Somehow it had all happened. My brain had juggled up all the pieces of my memories to the bakery store from Gangnam to the hospital in Gaphae but all throughout the journey only one prominent memory stayed, Shownu holding my hand and caressing my palm, continuously saying it was going to be okay.

I held on to that, and only to that. My heart thudding inside my chest and my vision unfocused, only dark thoughts could come into my mind. I could not push them away, it was always my fear to lose the only family I had, my mom.

No matter how lonely it got throughout the years, my mom was there. And I could not lose her.

"Daisy, I need you to calm down," Shownu's voice reached me again. Belatedly I recognized this was the hospital, not the car we were in. The plain white walls, a distinct yet vehement scent of medicine and floor cleaner, nurses and doctors in grey, made my head start to spin.

So I held onto Shownu's arm for support. "Your mom is okay. Listen to me, Daisy," I stared up to his expressive eyes looking down on me. "Breathe in and out, breathe."

Haphazardly I exhaled and inhaled the nauseating air of the hospital and I looked at him again for the next instruction, but my vision kept getting blurry no matter how many times I wiped them with my sleeves. Shownu's face mere looking like a silhouette of someone I knew.

"It's a mild stroke, Daisy... Your mother will be okay. Can you stand still for one second. So I can talk to the doctors and make arrangements for her, or do you want to go with me?"

I shook my head left and right vigorously, clearly not wanting to see my mom at that state. I was not ready. Not ready to speak to the doctor too. All I wanted was to deny this reality.

"The others will be here soon. Oh, look," Shownu's small voice made me look up to find some men approaching us from a few feet away, though I could hardly make it out I could tell who was who.

And among them the pink hair still shined so brightly. It was seconds until Wonho ran up to me and engulfed me in his arms.

I was met with his broad chest, his arms completely wrapped around me and his hand on my back. Shock dissolved into something else, I did not know why but that was certainly my breaking point. Loud sobs filled the air and I realized they were coming from me.

No words came out of my mouth, only whimpers and bellows. I wanted to tell him, tell them, something at least. And I wanted to stop crying but as if a dam filled with waters had burst, a dam that had been tightly sewn shut for years until it could hold no more.