1.1| Social Casualty

20| city of love

And when Sebastian looks down at me right now, right at this very moment, I realise something that's fucking terrifying. Probably the most terrifying thing to ever happen to me in my lifetime. When he shows me those pearly white teeth in the form of his breath taking smile, my breath hitches slightly. My throat closes up in a panic, not being able to form any words to string along in a sentence, because quite frankly, I'm at a loss for words. He leans down close enough to my gaping lips, and presses his own against mine in a sweet, delicate, innocent, and chaste kiss. But that kiss was no where near innocent to me, because it just unleashed an abundance of wondering thoughts run freely throughout my racing mind. But one of these many thoughts stood out to me the most, the most terrifying one. The one thought that could make all of my problems disappear; or make even more appear all at once. My heart rate quickens as his lips leave mine, a smile forming on his face, as he squeezes my hand. The feeling that he leaves as his lips leave mine; only confirm what I have just realised.

I am wholeheartedly, undoubtedly, and undeniably, in love with Sebastian Kingsley.

•••

"Hey Lexi? What's up? You've been really quiet this morning, do you not like the café?" Sebastian asks me with a hint of nervousness in his tone, his fingers wringing together. I snapped my head up in shock at his question, my mouth full of the hot buttery croissant. I took one look at the menu and my mouth began watering at the thought of the different foods I can have. I ordered a croissant, a chocolate brioche, French toast, and a milky hot chocolate with whipped cream and mini marshmallows. I quickly shook my head in response to Sebastian's question, swallowing the rest of my croissant before speaking.

"God no! Sebby, this is an amazing café, the food is fucking amazing! I'm sorry that I've been so quiet this morning, I just have a couple of things on my mind, that's all," I told Sebastian with a small smile as I grabbed his hand gently. He smiled in response, taking my hand in his and lifting it up towards his mouth, placing a delicate kiss onto my knuckles making my blush rise back onto my cheeks as I thought about the thing I admitted to myself earlier on.

"You wanna talk about what's on your mind?" He asks me quietly, my hand still placed in his as he plays with my fingers. I shook my head in response telling him that I just want to enjoy my time here. He nods slowly but unsurely in response, giving me a look that says 'we will be talking about this later'.

Knowing that I am now in love with Sebastian Kingsley, makes me realise that I was never in love with Jackson when we were together. The difference that I feel when I'm with Sebastian and when I was with Jackson is completely different. Jackson made me feel worried about what I wore, what I looked like, what I would say to him, it was a constant cycle. But with Sebastian, I feel relaxed. I don't have to worry about what I do, because the way he looks at me unleashes the butterflies in my stomach. Sebastian is one of kind; there is no other person like him. I guess some part of me did love Jackson, mainly because he was my first real relationship. But then things started to get toxic, and he would always apologise to me and say he would never hurt me again, and me being the naïve little girl I was would always forgive him and tell him that I love him. After our break up for the second time, I found comfort in Zachary De Loughrey. It was never anything serious, just a few make out sessions here and there, but it felt good to be treated differently. It probably wasn't the best decision to go after one of my best friend's brother, but he was there when I needed some comfort. We broke it off after a while, saying that we didn't feel like we should be 'together' since it makes things awkward between Nicolas and I. And then came along Sebastian with that genius fucking idea of fake dating each other. I don't think I have ever been so thankful in my life for agreeing to something so stupid before. Like, who even fake dates anymore? Although, I feel like we aren't exactly faking things anymore. It could just be one sided feeling on my end, but there's a bubbling feeling inside of me that's hoping, no begging, for him to feel the same way about me. Because, I don't know what I would do if he just left me.