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On my pillow.
Can't get me tired.
For the first time whom I shared my fragile truth with, I left her so bitter and exposed.
From the beginning itself, I knew...we wouldn't last. But my selfish desires held me every moment. But now that my forever was falling down, I couldn't help but wonder if she'd loathe me now.
My gaze locked upon the door, hoping it would open anytime soon with her rushing towards me, hug me, slap me, scold me. I just wanted to see her, tell her how much she meant to me one last time.
"Love? What you kids have is simply infatuation. All you young, hormonal teenagers have are flings. Oblivious and short-lived. Mr. Kim will never approve of this!"
When Raemin told these words, I understood. I knew my days of delight were finally coming to an end. That my past, my present and my future, nothing has ever in my own hands, and never will.
But this time, I didn't feel indignant. I knew I never deserved her. They say that the person at whom rude words are thrown at always remembers them, not the one who said it.
For me, it was definitely different. My heart ached every time remembering how many times I had treated her with disrespect for someone irrelevant, for something irrelevant.
I didn't deserve her at all. What I deserved was a punishment, for being a bad son, a bad brother and a bad lover.
Even though I knew I'd never feel this way towards anyone ever throughout my life, I hoped for her to find a better man, who cherished every memory of her, counted hours to finally see her face, sculpt her delicate face in his mind.
Despite the fact she might hate me with every bone in her body, I couldn't tell her my truth even if I wanted to.
For it shall be...
The Truth Untold.
✦✧✦✧
The Truth Untold.
The song blasted through my eardrums as I stepped forward. Staring up at the blue sky, the pouring sun hurt my eyes the slightest.
My breath began to quicken, heart beating faster. All of it made me feel just so alive and dead at the same time. Making me aware despite what had happened, I hadn't stopped living. Life didn't just cease.
Maybe after a whole week of sorrow, I had finally realized that there was no us to begin with. It's alright if there's no us now.
