Above you and below you (la squadra x fem!reader)

29- down low, too slow

ok, because im so nice and i know that i would just get yelled at if i just left this chapter on a to be continued note, it's gonna be extra long and extra heart hurty.

*que sobbing doppio*

(prepare to have your heart hurt)

by the time you arrived at your doorstep, the tears stains on your cheek had become faint, and the redness on your cheeks had long disappeared. you were collected, hurt, but collected none the less. you had brushed off the fight after hearing [GOLDEN RULE]s encouraging words, leaving you to remain an empty shell as you processed your current emotions. you didnt feel like talking, eating, sleeping, or just about doing anything. you were hurt, and you needed time to allow yourself to be hurt.

you cant just bottle up your emotions and expect yourself to be ok, because over time, that little jar you repress your emotions in, will overflow and all you'll feel is pain. talking to someone would be best, but then again, there was no one to talk to. everyone was available, yet out of the question at the same time.

so, what to do? you could always talk to your stand, who had lost respect and connection with doppio anyway, but you didnt want to over spill and have the regret of saying things in the heat of the moment hang over your head. you see, the trick is to wait until you feel you can talk about something without getting emotional. when you do that, then you dont say things you're currently feeling rather than the truth, which is usually a lot different from what you were going to say.

then what about..... risotto? no, he wouldnt understand, and he's your capo not your therapist. ghiaccio? no, he would just cut you off and start going on a rant again. formaggio? maybe not, your words will probably just fall on deaf ears. what about pesci? he was nice at giving advice and comfort, but you didnt want to make him feel awkward if something were to happen, like you beginning to cry. prosciutto? no, if you were to accidentally break down, you'd feel pathetic, and that's the last thing you want right now. maybe melone? you couldnt really tell how he may act, though you didnt want him to have a reason to blackmail you if you say something you werent supposed to. what about illuso? you had no idea how he would react if you were to tell him about what happened. 

shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you reached for the doorknob, writing a mental note to talk to someone about it later. you flung open the door, a rarely seen stoic expression hardening your features. your expression was an intimidating poker face, so much so that you were sure it rivaled risottos.

walking into the house, clothes bloody and tattered, you took heavy steps into the hallway that lead to the kitchen, which connected to the living room and dining room. you could care less if your teammates asked you about what happened, as you already told yourself you werent answering anything. silently praying you could just walk to your room without interruption, you walked into the kitchen, prepared to make a sharp turn for the stairs. you found formaggio leaning on the counter, sipping a glass of lemonade while scrolling through his phone. he looked up at you, smiling a happy smile, which was soon washed away when he saw your appearance. "(y/n), what happened to you!" he panicked, dropping his phone onto the marble surface of the counter and rushing to your side.

you didnt answer, only staring at him with a straight face as he fussed over your injuries. "(y/n), please answer me! what happened?!"

he placed a hand onto your arm, which you quickly shrugged off. he held a hurt expression, watching you begin to walk towards the stairs with a slight limp. "(y/n)...please..." he breathed, beginning to believe he did something wrong.

you whipped your head around, your icy gaze piercing through his soul. he shuddered as he clearly read 'leave me alone' in several ways. ignoring his quiet pleads, you continued to trudge up the stairs, unfortunately bumping into illuso on your way. "holy shit- are you ok? what happened to you!"