Above you and below you (la squadra x fem!reader)

11- BOSS!?

{thank you @Galaxyglitterkitten for this amazing idea! i hope you like it!}

"i havent seen her all day, is she on a mission?"

"i dont think so illuso... i dont know whats going on.."

you hadn't left your room at all today. [GOLDEN RULE] would normally be outside of your door if you were in your room like he is any other day, however, today, he is no where near it.  formaggio tried opening the door to your room but it was locked, you had stuffed blankets into the crevice under the door so he couldn't turn small and get in either. everyone was getting progressively worried about you when they heard nothing from behind your door. now normally that would be a ok thing, but you hadnt left your room for anything and you blocked off any way your teammates could get in.

"she hasnt acted like this at all recently, i wonder whats going on?"

you had just woken up from a nightmare. it felt so real. you could touch, see, hear, smell everything as if it were reality. you dreamt about that day you and your parents were robbed, about them hurting you, kicking you out..

...and about you killing them...

you had tossed and turned in your sleep, desperately trying to wake up. every time it seemed like you were out of your recurring nightmare, it would just replay over again. your own dream taunted you, reminded you that their death was your fault.
your normal, bubbly, fierce personality withered away to quietness and unamusement. 

[GOLDEN RULE] wasnt in or near your room. he was actually downstairs in the basement, waiting. you had told it to leave out of sadness and frustration, having the image of your stand killing your parents replay in your head did a number on your mood. you wished to not see it as you wanted to be alone.

!TRIGGER WARNING! PROCEED WITH CAUTION PLEASE!

you couldnt even cry. all of the pain you felt just from reliving those moments over and over again numbed you. you sat cross legged on the bed as you held yourself in your blankets, ignoring the pleads for you to open your door.

"what day is it today?

how many years has it been..

this all hurts too much

how much longer do i have to live?

to live is to steal. i have no choice but to steal. arent i also human? or am i just a selfish monster..

it hurts... this all hurts too much...

is it not over yet?

its long isnt it.... life... its long... and painful..

i am subjected to the coldness of my thoughts every single day..

'its just the way it is.' i guess not

'it wasnt your fault'  thats wrong

'it wasnt your bad'  yes it was

thats because im only human.

like everyone else i can only think of myself,

i was selfish..

im still selfish..

would it not be best for everyone if i was gone?

if i never existed?

the pain of that night would leave along with me, and no one would have to worry about me anymore.. not that i expected many to care anyway..

what about melone, ghiaccio, illuso, formaggio, risotto, pesci, and prosciutto? i guess that they would probably not care, and if i told them they would bullshit an excuse so they didn't seem bad in front of everyone else. telling you to not think such things when they could care less. pretending to understand and care for me when in actuality they dont want to look bad or damage their image.