Sanders Sides Angst One Shots

Contacted {L O G A N}

TW: Panic Attack, PTSD, mentions of separation anxiety, mentions of past rape/sexual assault, mentions of gunshots, unsympathetic Roman, mentions of unsympathetic Patton, Remus, multiple breakups that make it seem unstable but it isn't.

So if you read my post you know I was contacted by a really toxic person who happens to be my ex girlfriend and ex best friend. She brought up a lot of things I tried to HEALTHILY repress, and I just wanted to channel that into an angsty oneshot for yall to get it off my mind, and get something out on the book until I have the chapter I'm working in edited. Logan is me in the situation, Roman is the friend, Virgil is my girlfriend but she didn't come save me or anything, I just wanted to include that, and Patton and Remus are different friends. Most of the conversation is copied and pasted.

Ship: Analogical

AU: Human

Third Person POV

Logan was laying on his bed, going through the plans for a project on his phone as he waited for his boyfriend to return from the store.

Suddenly, he got a notification. Someone was messaging him.

Roman: Hey

Roman: Look

Roman: We need to talk

The color drained from Logan's face as he remembered all the things Roman had done. Made fun of his weight, knowing of his previous struggles with an eating disorder. Criticized his decision to get together again with Virgil after they had a major fall-out over Roman's false accusations that Logan had been cheating with another person he needed out of his life, Patton. Then, when they did break up again because Patton was annoyed at Logan, and Virgil didn't understand, and they had another big fight, Roman was at his throat again.

Memories of Roman and Patton coming up to him, looking like they would beat up the poor nerd, and Virgil having to pull them away came to his mind, as well as things Roman yelled about him to anyone in earshot. Specifically names used to describe someone who sleeps around, which he was sensitive about due to the fact that he had been raped and taken advantage of as a younger child. Whore, slut. Etc.

He knew he shouldn't have done it. But he messaged back anyway.

Okay, what about?

We aren't friends, you haven't apologized to me yet.

What do I possibly have to apologize to you about? Patton and Remus have told me to apologize without giving me any sort of context as to what I must say sorry for.

What you did to Patton, how you treated me and Remus, etc.

That's extremely vague. What did I do to Patton? How did I treat yourself and Remus?

you were so obsessive over him and were around him so much, which made him uncomfortable. And with me and Remus you were so disrespectful and went out of line with us multiple times. Also the fact that you were rude to Virgil for no reason other than you broke up.

I was not rude to Virgil, I simply was cross with him for punching my arm and damaging my belongings. You are also aware that I developed separation anxiety with Patton because he was the first person to show true care towards me.

That doesn't give you the right not to describe him nicely when someone asks. And nobody cares about the separation anxiety, whatever. You're just mad because you were stupid as a kid and weren't strong enough to push away the guy.

Remind me again how an eighth grader was supposed to get out from being pinned under a senior?

I would've been able to. Besides, you probably wanted it anyway, boys like you just sleep with anyone.

Discontinue discussing this topic.

No, you still haven't said sorry to me or Patton or Remus. And you haven't said sorry to Virgil for being rude, have you?

I have apologized PROFUSELY for being overly touchy with Patton. I developed mild separation anxiety to him, because we were particularly close and he was one of the first people I ever trusted. People I trust I tend to try and be close to because I am constantly feeling unsafe because of when I was sexually assaulted, which led to me developing separation anxiety with one of the first people who cared about me. In the long run that hurt both of us. He was hurt because my mind said that being near him was protecting us, and me because when we stopped being friends my anxiety went insane. In my opinion, you were always mildly toxic to me after we broke up. I couldn't tell if you cared about me or not. I may be wrong! But that's just how I felt. Remus and I stopped getting along as well as we did when I changed schools in college. We were still 'friends' but he liked to hang out with the people who would try to trigger my PTSD, so we didn't talk a lot. And I wasn't trying to be rude to Virgil in , I literally wouldn't tell the anybody who bruised my arm and threw my belongings on the ground for days. I was trying to AVOID getting him in trouble. I don't know how to apologize and make it seem sincere if you won't believe anything I've already told you. I apologize if anything I said or did to you came off as toxic, manipulative, rude, or anything. I have never had any ill intentions towards any of you. I cut you out of my life originally because it hurt so bad and I couldn't deal. I had a full blow panic attack at three in the morning after waking up from a nightmare about you three. I promise, anything I ever did was intended to help. Also, Virgil and I made up years ago. We are actually together again.

Logan shuddered as he typed about his assault. He had just told Roman to stop, yet he pressed on.

Roman continued to text him about how he was ungrateful and stupid, and told him that he needs to stop blaming Roman, Patton, and Remus for their own toxicity and instead blame himself.

As he continued to force himself to read and reply to everything Roman said, he could feel himself start to consider the thoughts in his head. Why would Roman contact him to rant about an unsolved problem between the two that occured the year prior if he wasn't correct?

He started to get panicky, taking longer to form eligible messages, etc, when a specific message caught him extremely off guard.

Omg you blame everything on you and your damn mental issues! Nobody gives a flipping fuck, dude. We get it, yatta yatta, you were raped which you weren't really you were just a whore, but you're such a bitch! At least I own up to being an asshole.

He didn't get why that specifically pushed him over the edge, but it did.

He whimpered, taking off his tie as it began to feel as if he was choking. Sniffles turned into tears, which turned into choked sobs. Every part of him seemed to ache with heaviness, and moving seemed like a foreign concept now as he stared, rereading the words over and over as he convinced himself they were true.

(This next bit that Virgil does is what didn't actually happen lol, my girlfriend is stuck in quarantine away from meeee)

He didn't hear the front door open, or the calling coming from his boyfriend. "Logan? Where are you princess?"

The loud noise that he was suddenly aware of didn't register as his boyfriend setting down a box, it came to his head and he figured it was gunshots. His hands flew to his pulling at it, pushing his head down into his knees, trying to ground himself.

Virgil walked into the room and spotted Logan. Protective boyfriend mode kicked in and he rushed over.

"Logan, I need you to breathe for me. You are not there, you are not with him, you are with me. Breathe, you are safe."

Logan shook his head as he recognized the comforting sound of Virgil's voice. He flung himself and latched onto his boyfriend like a koala. "It's okay. I'm here. You're not with Dee anymore." Virgil cooed as he rubbed circles into Logan's back.

Eventually, Logan felt himself gain control of his actions, like his soul had taken a walk and it was returning now. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Virgil asked.

"Roman texted me." He said just loud enough for the one who was usually the panicking one to hear. Virge picked up the phone and moved it away, turning off the notifications. "We're gonna try and forget about that for now. Your phone doesn't exist. Tommorow, if you want, we can talk. Right now, lets watch that documentary about that really old tree." Logan smiled as he cuddled into his boyfriend.

Word Count: 1508 including this