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》》》》
July 17th
2020
-THE NEXT DAY-
I haven't slept. I'm generally exhausted and I have no effort in getting out of my bed when it's warmth keeps me suppressed and relaxed. I wanted to cuddle in my blankets and not worry about today's tiresome duties and wacky unpredictable events. However, this was something I could only hope to do on my off day (which I already had). And today was nowhere near a day to slack off.
Me and Jungkook’s date at the beach was probably the most magical night I could ask for in the history of nights. When Tae and I hung out it usually consisted of things that would scare me at first sight, like drinking, or playing fun pranks on each other. I never drank much because I was something called 'a lightweight' and I usually end up passing out quickly after. On the other side, those things were extremely exhilarating, and being in a relationship never seemed to be. For me, dating someone was always unreached waters. The sheer fear of my eomma scolding me and having her trust erased sat in the back of my mind--never contently though-- it was something that obstructed me from things like yesterday.
Things like life-- real life.
As the days go by, I realized that real life-- was starting to get harder. I had to deal with being perfect for so long that when I'm not trying my best at something, random scenarios passed by in my imagination. I had this ongoing thought and inquiry of what I would do if I wasn't accepted to Y.D.A like I've always wanted. Jungkook tried to steer me south from those negative mentally abusive worries.
But to me, it wasn't negative this time.
These thoughts I had were legitimate things I needed to plan out. I had my mind set on becoming what I've always reached for. But I never even pushed my mind to the other side of that conversation
. That being-- another plan besides that.
If I don't make it in, I'll have to apply somewhere else, somewhere possibly away far home. Or maybe I'd just have to get a job and start making income for myself. Because right now, I'm not taking anything I get since I'm giving it all away to help with Taemin's tuition.
I don't feel too forced anymore like in the past to help. I still want to continue because he definitely needs it; considering the fact, I haven't been kicked out for good and walking by my lonesome along the streets-- he definitely deserves it now. Another weird thing, I haven't told Taemin why I was working. He has no idea it was for him-- actually, he had no idea that I even worked anywhere. He didn't accept it at first because it seemed like I was wasting away my talent.
No, Min. Stop worrying, why are you worrying? Taehyung told you to stop doing that, remember? My inner monologue ranted relentlessly and occupied that space in my brain that was used for motivation and logic. I huffed out a large frustrated blow of air as I stared at my ceiling. But then beside me, I felt this vibrating on my pillow. I propped myself up on my elbows and reached over to grab my phone where the screen was lit up with notifications almost like it was spam.
I yanked my phone off of the charger to stop the irritable sound and buzz to see text messages.
They were from someone I never thought would ever reach out but hoped. I couldn't believe my eyes, so I rub them multiple times to adjust my pupils to the bright shine of the bewildering words appearing in front of me.
