The Long Way Home

Chapter One Hundred and Thirteen: Save My Life

The miscarriage was over but Cassandra was still bleeding. It was natural, she reminded herself as she sat huddled on the bed, the fresh sheets drawn around her shoulders. Her cheeks were still wet from the tears she had shed after Michael had learned of her miscarriage. She was trying so hard to be strong, but she was failing miserably. She had never felt so desolate and empty before now. Despite the fact she had showered she still felt dirty and used, there was no way to scrub the metaphorical blood from her skin.

Michael wanted to try again as soon as possible. She had begged and pleaded for him to stop, to give her some relief. She didn't want to have his baby, she had never wanted a child. Yet Michael was relentless, he called her 'lover' as he smoothed the hair away from her exhausted features. He told her how important it was that the two of them try to have faith. This new child would be the glue that would hold them all together.

As soon as the bleeding stopped he would be implanting another embryo inside of her, this time forgoing the accelerator, she would be made to carry the child for the entire nine months if he succeeded to get her pregnant once more. Michael would keep doing this until he got what he wanted from her and she would be forced to endure the trauma of birth.

She couldn't survive this and there wasn't a way out of this for her, there was just this dismal, oppressive feeling stifling every aspect of her being. She was drowning underneath it all, there was so much despair inside of her, Cass found it practically debilitating. She couldn't handle going through this all over again, knowing what was expected of her was nauseating. She was being treated like a breeding horse and it was killing her.

Cass pulled the covers even tighter around her trembling frame as she ground her teeth together trying to breath through the panic that fluttered in her chest. The idea that she would never see John again crippled her, she would never hear his husky voice, see that amazing boyish smile, she would never get to hold him or say I love you again. Had she said it before he left? Cass didn't remember, all she knew was that she would die at the knowledge that she would never be able to feel his touch again.

She thought about the clone and her role in this. How much damage had already been done to Atlantis? What secrets had she discovered? Cass wondered what would happen when John had outlived his usefulness. Already she knew that the clone would kill him, she was bred from hatred and rage. She didn't believe in compassion or feelings. Cassandra hoped that John worked it out, that he would outsmart the clone before she managed to murder him in his sleep.

John would know the difference...

She couldn't protect John any more. His life was out of her hands, the same way that her own was out of his.

The trip was long. It was eighteen hours too long and John didn't know what the hell he was supposed to do for the duration other than pace back and forth along the area of the bridge, taking fugitive glances at the window beside him as hyper space blitzed by.

He felt like he was in a daze, that his life was simply passing by moments at a time. He had wanted this for so long, he wanted to be correct in his assumption but the problem was that meant accepting a much darker shade of the truth. He had left his wife in the hands of a killer, one that deemed himself a scientist. Sheppard had never been one to shirk the truth and he was entirely aware that he wasn't likely to get her back completely. Who knew what Michael had done to her? He couldn't bear the thought of her being ruined and broken, it fractured his heart into millions of tiny pieces.

"You keep pacing like that, your going to wear a hole in the hull." Caldwell remarked from the doorway as Sheppard came to a halt in front of him, his hands clasped behind his back. "We're there by the way."

"McKay?" Sheppard responded, the apprehension in his voice evident as he touched his comm briefly.

"I'm on it." McKay muttered as the rhythmic tap of buttons became apparent over the speakers. "I'll be beaming her straight into the infirmary."

"I'll meet her there." John confirmed as he twisted around and darted away through the doorway leading into the maze of corridors that led to his wife.

It wasn't long before he reached the small hospital area, he slipped through the huge double doors instead of waiting for them to open fully. He simply didn't have the patience to wait any longer. John found himself breathless as he took in the sight before him.

His wife was standing there clad in a simple white, shapeless gown that reminded him of something from a hospital. It fell to her knees, swamping her lithe frame with the papery fabric. Her dark hair was loose and free flowing, falling straight down her back. He felt his insides quiver as he laid his hazel eyes upon her. Her skin was gaunt and paler than he had ever seen her, she looked ill. There were dark circles under those dull blue eyes and her lips were dry and cracked.

He spent the past few hours debating all things that he would say to her when they had this moment, how he would apologize, how he would make everything up to her. Yet they were at a stage where none of that mattered any more because she was right here and safe. That was all that mattered.

John was taking shaky steps forward, he could feel his legs trembling as he approached his wife as if seeing her for the first time. There so many things to talk about and he wanted to hear everything she had to tell him but right now all he wanted more than anything else in the world was to hold her. The medical staff were already snapping into action and the ship's Doctor Keller was stepping forth to aid his wife.

John moved past them, his strong, loving arms furling around Cassandra, drawing her into the shelter of his comforting form. She collapsed against his body, her fists gripping his black T-shirt tightly as she buried her face into his firm chest, inhaling the familiar masculine essence that made up her husband's smell. She felt so tiny and fragile against him, her knees buckled from under her as she held onto him for dear life.

The relief was imminent, touching her again was like having a rush of narcotics pursing through his blood stream. He was holding her ever so tightly, his lips brushing the apple of her cheek as he whispered sweet endearments against her skin.

"Tell me that this is real." she breathed in that low, frightened voice of hers. "Tell me that this is happening and I'm not trapped there making this up."

He hated the fear he could sense within her heart, it hurt him to hear the cracking of her tone as she struggled to comprehend the bridge between reality and hope.

"I missed you Cassie." John murmured as she clutched onto her husband in desperation. "And this is entirely real."

He closed his eyes and reached for her along the fraying threads of their connection. She was closed off and scared, his fingers combed through her hair, something he knew that reassured and calmed her. He tucked her into his body, so that the two of them were pressed along the length of each other. His heart thudded against hers through their clothing and it was one of the most intimate feelings that John had ever been privy to.

"I love you." Cass mumbled as she tilted her head so that she could meet his hazel gaze for the first time since the ordeal started. "I don't think I said it before you left."

Her sapphire blue eyes were glistening with tears as she stared up at him, her delicate palms rubbing up and down his muscular form as if she was struggling to believe that he was real. She had never looked so vulnerable and John wanted to give her back all of her security, to promise he loved her and that he would protect her no matter the cost.

"I know." John told her, his voice rough with emotion as he saw all the hurt that was fracturing her deep inside. "I always knew."

"Good." Cass nodded, swallowing hard past the aching lump in her throat before turning her attention to her body's agonizing protests. "I think I need medical attention."

"Let's do that." John murmured, allowing her to draw away first. "Then we can get you home."

"I would like that." Cass uttered as John's fingertips trailed along the curve of her cheek.

His thumbs chased away the salty tears that was leaking from his wife's lovely eyes as she sniffed trying to hold back the sobs that were vibrating through her chest.

"I'll stay." John confirmed as she began to fall apart in his hands. "I'm going to stay right here with you."