The Long Way Home

Chapter Sixty Eight: The Healing Touch

Close your eyes and let time tick by.
In this life, it's OK to cry, sometimes.
It can be hard to see when it's right in front of you.
You gonna smile sometimes,

Bowling For Soup – Much More Beautiful Person

John's heart was pounding, his blood was racing through his veins and his skin was literally crawling right off of his bones. He was itching all over, a thousand tiny ants were trailing across flesh biting and chewing on his sinew. His hazel eyes snapped open, roving around the white curved ceiling as he writhed and wrenched at the restraints holding his hands and feet in place. His spine arched, bucking and jerking as he screamed into the air until his throat was raw and hoarse. Agony coursed through his muscles, igniting his synapses as he cursed out loud, spitting out the most extreme of words. He thrashed and bellowed, tearing at his limbs trying to break free.

John had no memory of how he had ended up in this place but he despised it. He fought like a restrained animal, lashing out in fury against his bonds. His flesh was on fire, the burning sensation was excruciating as beads of sweat poured down his forehead. His clothing was clinging to his body with perspiration as black spots danced across his hazy vision.

Cass was back, he could feel her loving, consoling presence by his side as her fingers enclosed on his balled fist. Her touch was light and tender, her thumb caressing over the tendons in his tense hand. She spoke in a quiet soothing tone she used only for him, it washed over John like the cooling waters of a waterfall, stealing away his confusion and terror in an instant.

Cass always had a way of pacifying John. The agony stabbing into his nervous system was beginning to subside, his fist unfurled, his fingers stretching out and linking with Cass's. The fight was leaving him and all he could feel was exhaustion filling him up deep inside. He could rest now, Cass was here standing over him like a guardian angel protecting him from harm.

The beast inside of him was beginning to settle. It was war ravaged and scarred from it's battles. It was hurting so badly all it wanted to do was curl up and rest. Cass's soul seemed to take up residence beside it as it prowled along the confines of his flesh. There was time now to recover and lick it's wounds. It curled up into a ball along side her, enjoying the feel of it's mate's hands stroking through it's soft fur. The petting was blissful and the beast huffed through it's snout in contentment as it placed it's head upon her lap.

"I know." Cass whispered into it's fur as she hugged the beast even closer. "I know it hurts."

John's soul was shattered, she could feel the broken shards through their connection before she gathered them up with the most gentlest of care. The beast had been trying to defend those pieces of itself but it couldn't fix them, it didn't know how. It took her a long time to assemble the jagged fragments into some sort of order and even longer to put the remains of John Sheppard back together again.

There were gaps left in the orb and it was fractured more than she had ever seen it. Cass hugged it to her chest, cradling it as the beast snuggled even closer to her inviting form. It's cheek came to rest upon her stomach as it's tail wagged slowly in joy.

Cass closed her eyes allowing the back of her head to rest upon the wall behind her. Now that she was sure John was safe she could feel the weariness taking over her body. She had almost lost her mate today and the relief of finding him again was immense. The beast's warm form was like a comfortable shelter wound around her and for the first time since this whole ordeal had started she found herself completely at peace.

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It was getting late when Carson decided to check in on John and Cass. He had left the couple unattended for a few hours in order to give the two of them some peace and privacy. Cass had barely left John's side over the past few days, she returned to their quarters for an hour or so here and there to change, to shower and maybe to sleep.

Although the dark circles underneath her eyes told Carson something different and Carson knew a thing or two about that. He'd offered her sedatives but Cass had refused, she wanted to be clear and alert in case John woke up.

The Colonel was recovering well to Carson's relief. The blue scaly patches were receding slowly, it was creeping back down the hallow of his throat, the same way it had come up. Listening to his hoarse screams on and off over the past few hours had been harrowing. Mentally John was becoming more comprehensive from what Carson could gather but he was still in a tremendous amount of pain.

The retrovirus was relinquishing it's hold but it wasn't without some toll, Cass's presence seemed to sooth his more lucid moments. John didn't seem to remember much but he did remember Cass. It would be a matter of weeks before all traces of the retrovirus disappeared from his system, maybe longer before he returned to active duty. Carson had been monitoring the other man closely but the problem was he had no idea what the possible long term or short term side effects the retrovirus would have upon John Sheppard.

The only good thing to come out of this whole mess was the fact that Cass's tests had come back as negative. After a little more studious scrutiny Carson had discovered that when the Iratus bug had bitten John over a year ago, it created a strain of antibodies floating through John's immune system. When Ellia had cut John, she had infected him with the retrovirus and instead of fighting it off the antibodies had absorbed it and and began to mutate.

Carson knew that he had been hovering, Cass had been gracious enough not to point it out but he knew his concern for them was borderline obsessive. He felt responsible for what had transpired over the past few days and it was duty as a friend and a doctor to take care of these people. They were his family here upon Atlantis and Carson would do anything he could to protect his family.

He found himself staring at the navy blue curtain as he thought of the word 'family'. This would cause problems in their immediate future if the two of them decided to start a family. There was a danger that John's DNA would still retain some aspect of the retrovirus and there was a possibility that if the two of them had a child that the retrovirus would be passed along to the baby. In terms that they would be able to understand the chances of miscarriage would be higher as well as birth defects.

Carson was convinced he had damaged the young couple, their hopes and dreams had been perhaps ruined by his mistake and he would do everything in his power to repair it. The guilt was crushing him little by little, Cass had told him that this was not his fault, that it had all been one terrible accident but that didn't change how he felt. He had taken away something precious from the young couple and he was lucky that John Sheppard had the heart of a lion otherwise this could have had a very different ending.

Carson stepped through the gap in the curtain separating John Sheppard from the rest of the world. He stopped dead at the end of the bed, hugging the computer tablet to his chest as that shy, contented smile spread across his dark features.

Cass was curled up in the chair beside John's bed, her sapphire eyes were closed, her head tilted towards her husband. Her expression was tranquil, her pert pink lips were parted and her chest was raising and falling peacefully in the throes of sleep. Carson had no idea how she did it but she was always there but there was a calm that emitted from Cass, he felt it drown him like an aura as he stood watching the young couple for the briefest of moments. The two of them had each other and for now that was all that mattered.