Cannes | H.S

Petals

"Then make me understand. Why are you pushing me away? Are you mad at me? Do you, do you blame me for...for what happened?"

"Of course not Harry, that's not it at all."

"Then what is it? I've been trying for weeks to read you Layla and you've barely given me two words. Please baby, please, I'm right here. Just tell me. Darling, whatever it is that's hurting you, let me help."

I walk away from him and this conversation, sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but a damp towel in my true skin. I sob into my hands, not ever wanting the beautiful man to see just how tormented I've been for over a month now. You don't deserve him. You're nothing but a liar. You lied to him once before and he left you. You can't be trusted. He bends down, quietly pleading for the tears to end.

"Layla, talk to me. You're scaring me right now. What's the matter, baby? Hmm?"

"I'm awful, just awful."

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that."

"You'll hate me. I'm ruining everything. Tomorrow is the big show and I'm sitting here like a pathetic mess, crying for the hundredth time."

"Hey, I don't give a damn about the show. None of that matters. Do you hear me? You're all that I care about. Layla, please, before I think the fucking worst. Talk to me."

"I'm sorry Harry, I'm so sorry."

"About what? What are you apologizing for, little darling?"

"Everything, absolutely everything. I haven't been honest with you."

There it is, he freezes, hearing words only mentioned in nightmares. He's eerily silent, watching me briefly as I continue to tremble and break before his very eyes. But, the second he holds my hand once more, promising to never let go, I know it's time to finally come clean. He deserves to hear the truth so badly.

"What is it Layla? Tell me and we can get through this together. Talk to me, please."

A mighty and strong pause dances back and forth until I take a courageous step onto thin ice, praying it doesn't crack into a million pieces and I don't fall within the cold cracks.

"That day in the hospital, they ran some tests on me. And they found out that I'm not capable of carrying a healthy baby to full term. It's just not possible for me. Ever."

His eyes widen in pure shock, retracting from my skin as he quickly stands on both feet, looking down at me in complete and utter dismay. He's in certain disbelief, not wishing to fathom this cruel truth as the words are finally said out in the open. Finally, someone else now knows. My own heart however, continues to break as I witness his eyes fill with glassy and saddened tears before they roll down his face. We both don't say anything for a while and I know, I know that this is finally it. I've lost him forever.

However before I can stand, he bends back down on the carpet, taking my hands, looking passionately into my own two eyes. "You've been holding onto this all alone, why? Why didn't you tell me Layla? Don't you trust me?"

"I didn't want to hurt you. You don't deserve this."

"That's why you kept saying that, about what I deserve. Did you, did you think this would change anything for me? Did you think for a fucking second that my heart would beat any less for you?"

"Harry, no. Don't say that."

"No, what? After all this time, don't you know me? I love you so madly Layla James that nothing will ever change that. You can't push me away that easily."

"I'm broken. I have nothing to offer you. No future. You can do so much better."

"You're breaking my heart baby. You're absolutely breaking my heart by talking like that. Is this why, is this why you won't let me touch you?"

"I'm not the same woman you fell in love with Harry. I have scars. I'm a constant reminder of what you lost."

"What we lost. And while that night was one of the scariest times of my life, I still have you. Safe and sound and more beautiful than ever."

"Stop, please."

"You're not broken. Do you understand? You're not broken and you'll never be broken. You're far too powerful and far too strong. You're the sun, you shine brightly over everyone you touch. You wash away everyone's fears on a cloudy day. You've healed me, how can you consider yourself to be broken?"

My head shakes once more, allowing the hot tears to fall as his does as well. He keeps his hands on me, wanting me to remain steady and safe. I'm hurting him, just like before. "You'll start to resent me."

"Layla, no my darling, that's not possible."

"You should let me go. I should let you go."

"Stop that. Don't you dare talk like that." As I attempt to stand, he prevents me from walking away, wrapping both arms around myself tightly, pulling me to his chest. He begins to sob as well, unavoidable tears staining my skin as I continue to hold onto him for support. My anchor. "I love you Layla, I'm nothing without you."

"Harry, don't say that."

"It's the truth. I'm nothing but petals, wilting away without the presence of the sun. Please, please don't walk away from me. Don't break my heart. I'm begging you. This isn't over for us."

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for keeping this from you. Please, please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive. You've been hurting for so long baby, let me take that pain away for you. Let me protect you, always. I won't let you fall, not ever."

And once he kisses me, it's bittersweet as I cling immensely to him, fearing that the end is near, fearing that it will all come crashing down, despite how badly we try to repair the wounds. He's nothing but petals in my absence, but I know for a fact that I'll never be able to shine brightly again.

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