Fandom Jokes

The Evolution of the Fangirl

Princess voice: Once upon a time, in a land far far away...

Dramatic Movie-Trailer voice: What are you talking about? This isn't a Disney movie. How ever much the Fangirls wish otherwise, this is reality. The hard, un-magical truth. It's time for a history lesson!

Normal Voice: Stop it! Both of you! You're both being overly dramatic. I will tell them the story. It's really quite simple. Ish....

So, a long time ago, when people hunted dinosaurs and watched black and white TV, there were no fangirls. There were just humans. Plain old boring humans. Of course, there were also books, and people who read and liked them, and people who called themselves "fanatics", but it wasn't quite the same. You could say that people were happier, without the trauma of The Feels.

But where there is books, there has to be authors. And the authors began to realise the power they had over their readers. They saw that their readers responded to the characters' emotions and the events that took place in the novel. They noticed that if they wrote well, and created a good character, they could make the readers fall in love with that character. They realised they could use this power to their advantage.

It happened again and again. An author would write a story, but spred it out over several volumes. They called this a 'series'. They wrote so much about the characters that the readers couldn't help but develop a strong connection to them. They knew that if they kept the series going, the readers would want to read more, and they would buy the next book. So it would go on, with the authors growing richer and richer. By the time they reached the end of the series, they would be corrupted by their power. They would become heart-breakers, cold-blooded murderers. They would kill off the best characters, leaving the readers heartbroken and alone.

At this point, some of the readers became tough, banished all feeling from themselves in order to be able to continue to read the books. Other readers realised it was hopeless and had the sense to stop reading before it was to late. The remaining readers were doomed.

These doomed readers were the first Fangirls. They called themselves Fanatics, then Fans. And when they realised that the vast majority of their population was female, and that they spent there time being all girly and flirty and in-love with fictional men, they started to call themselves fangirls. Of course, the male fans retaliated and started calling themselves fanboys, but they were few and far between. The fangirls loved the fanboys and wished they could no more of them, but sadly they almost never met any in real life.

Never was a tale more full of feels, than this of a wound that never heals.