I'll Love You Till the End

chapter 21

*flashback*

“We have a treatment for leukemia. Would you like to try it?”

My mom looks to dad and they just look at each other. I look to them. Hope fills my empty eyes. Then mom looks forward and smiles but tears weld up. “Of course. What would they be?”

“Well chemotherapy is a pretty good choice but there is radiation for her also. It depends how well her body is willing to react to it.”

“What do you think?” and she turns to dad. He looks helplessly to me. I look down at my hands avoiding his gaze. I can live. I can’t stop thinking of all the possibilities. I AM going to be able to make it to 18. I am. I will. I promise myself that.

“I think chemotherapy should work.”

“Ok let me talk to you for a bit outside of the room.” The doctor states and they all walk out. With out me. But I get out of bed and quietly follow a few steps behind and listen through the wall.

“Well its costs a lot for this. Are you sure?” the doctor murmurs.

“How much?”

He murmurs something.

“We will be able to pay it off. Over time.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ok well I will start to schedule the chemo appointments. Stay right here.”

There is silence and I start to go back but then hear my mom’s sobs.

“What did I do? I wasn’t that bad of a mom was I? She was healthy but then she wasn’t. What happened? What did I do?”

“I don’t know darling. Just hold it together. We can get through this. Together.”

“Why? Why her? She was always a good kid.”

“I know that. It just happens sometimes.”

I can’t help it. I rush out of the room and hug my moms waist crying. “You’re not a bad mommy.”

“Darling did you hear us?”

“I didn’t mean to. I wanted to though. You aren’t mad at me are you?”

She leans down and sniffs and I wipe her tears. “No of course not. I will never be mad at you for anything. I will love you no matter what.”

“Even if I die?”

Her tears come down her face harder and her face starts to get splotchy. “Even after you die.”

I hug her and hiccup. “I love you.” I whisper in her ear.

“I love you more.”

*end of flashback*

*another*

“This hurts mommy. Make it go away.” I moan and turn white and throw up in a bucket. She goes pale and tears flow from her face.

“I’m sorry sweetie. Just another hour.”

“You don’t understand. It hurts even after the hospital. I hate pain.”

She gasps quietly and goes a bit pale too. But she sticks it up and holds my hand until my face color goes back to normal. I squeeze her hand. “I’m sorry.”

“For what sweetie?”

“For making you go through this with me. I hate it as much as you do.”

“I don’t hate it.”

“But you cringe every time we have to go here.”

“I’m sorry I just hate seeing you in pain. It’s tearing me apart.”