I'll Love You Till the End

Chapter 33

He stares at me wide eyed and looks close to passing out on the floor right there and then. “Y-y-yo-you you wouldn’t want t-t-to do it?” I nod and wring my hands uncomfortably waiting for him to say something else.

 He looks to the ground, then to the ceiling, then to the ground, then to the door, then to the bed and back at my eyes again. He takes a deep long breath and comes up to speak to me again looking me in the eye.

“Why would you say that honey?”

“I don’t want to go through all of this. This is all just too much.” I stutter out under his intense stare. He grimaces and holds my cold, dead hand. 

“Please don’t say that. You would want to live till your old. I know you do.” I shake my head sadly and slowly.

“No I don’t. I’ve already given up. I stopped caring; I haven’t looked for schools or planned my future or anything like that.”

“But that’s what I am here for!” he exclaims and stands up, jerking his hand from mine. I watch it as it jerks forward and then slaps down on the side of the bed and a flash of pain over comes when it hits. Now that will bruise.

“I know but..”

“But what? Is that you don’t want to try anymore? You’ve given up to the point of no return and can never come back?”

“Yes.” I finish and I look up to him with one single fat tear rolling down my caved in cheek.

“You said when you were younger that you wanted to live. You wanted to live to be a old person. Also don’t you remember in that car ride we had on the first date? You never know when you’re going to die so live each moment like your last! I thought you were crazy at the time but now I understand that. So you’re giving up on yourself, but please don’t do that.

I’m begging you.” my tears come streaming down my face at his words.

“You remembered?”

“How could I forget that moment when it meant to much to you.” I hiccup in my own tears and smile slightly and pull him over just enough to give him a huge and long lasting bear hug.

“Did I ever tell you how good of a boyfriend you are?”

He grins pulling away. “I don’t think you did ever.” I roll my eyes.

“I’m sure I did sometime.” He thinks for a minute.

“Maybe.. Maybe.. Can you refresh me and tell me I am doing something right?”

“Something like this.” I whisper and peck his lips softly, leaving him wanting more. I pull away to stay in frozen position with his eyes closed and a peaceful look to him with a slight smile. I realize that ill miss him if I go away.

ill miss everything about him. He was the one person that kept me on the side of the bridge of insanity the whole time. It wasn’t the good or bad news or Maya or Mitch. It wasn’t my parents or anything like that. It was Cole and everything about him.

If I leave what will happen to him? He will be on the brink just like I am now. Insanity always creeping at all times and all thoughts of what if? What if I did this to save her? Would she still be alive now and with me?

Would she still love me?

What would have been the future for us then if she lived?

I kiss him again and the last tear slips down my face and onto the bed below. He wipes it fully aware of it. “What are you thinking of? It’s killing me now.”