Damaged Roses

F i f t e e n

Betty P.O.V

It's been a month since the Trev incident and I've learned to get used to it. The day after what happened, Toni, Cheryl and Veronica were upset when they saw me wearing the bandana again. They tried to convince me to tell them what had happened, but not a word came out of my mouth. 

Over time I started to get further away from them. As with Fangs and Sweets. At first they tried to understand what was happening but eventually they stopped when they saw that I started to get closer with Malachai, Reggie and Kevin. I started going out more partying, drinking almost every day and smoking. Not only did I smoke cigarettes, I did a certain part because they took away my appetite, but also joints. 

This last month I have been cutting myself every day and crying nonstop, Trev started to get more violent and controlling. I can't go anywhere alone if it's not with him and I'm also not allowed to wear skirts or dresses. He also forbade me to talk to Archie, he was my only support when all this shit started and now I'm completely alone with a monster. Even though I have stopped writing and calling him, he keeps sending me messages every day. One day I decided to answer a message saying that everything was fine and Trev saw that I had answered, because yes, he also registered the phone to verify that I do not say anything to anyone, and decided to break my phone. 

My feelings for Jughead are still there and I wish I could take it and tell him everything, but Trev would lose his mind if he found out, and believe me, he would find out. Knowing Jughead, he wouldn't let this happen, he would want to face him at all costs. The first few days after the party Jughead kept bringing me a blue rose after work, until he began to see me throw them away. The day Trev found out that Jughead was still doing that he went crazy, it didn't help that he was high. So I calmed him down the only way I know how, with sex. Because that's another one, I always have to be ready whenever he wants. If I refuse, he threatens me with sending Malachai and if I gang to give Jughead, Sweets or Fangs 'a lesson'. If something happened to any of the three, I couldn't live with it. After sex I always vomit and I have to shower at least 2 times, it's disgusting.

It has reached a point where I get to go 2 or 3 days without eating absolutely anything, I have lost 2 sizes in this last month, and for the first time in my life it isn't something I am proud of. Classes started last week and the teachers are concerned about me and my weight loss. They have tried to talk to me several times but I tell them that everything is going well. They clearly don't believe it because they called the last person I wanted to be in my life again right now, my mother. Who obviously didn't give a shit about what was happening in my life, but she called to tell me about how I must be the perfect girl she has raised and how embarrassed my father would be if he found out about my behavior. If I do not tolerate it is that she mention my father, obviously he wouldn't be proud of how my life is going, but it's that if he were still alive he wouldn't have allowed any of this to happen.

I thought that with the beginning of classes I could stay away from Trev for a few hours but it was not like that, with each change of class he was at the door waiting for me to see that I didn't speak to any boy or anyone directly. At lunchtime Reggie, Trev, Kevin and I went out with Malachai since he was not attending university. If I ran into one of my friends or rather ex-friends I had to duck my head or look away if I didn't want to piss Trev off. 

I think Trev started enjoying watching me suffer because every Saturday he makes me go to the Wyrm with his friends because he knows that the owner of the bar is Jughead's father. Trev made me resign from working there to work at the Ghoulies bar which is the gang directed by Malachai and I have to add that the Ghoulies and Serpents aren't very good friends. So being there on Saturdays with all the Serpents looking at me didn't make me feel very good and more when they know that now I work for the Ghoulies.

Today is Saturday again what it means to go to the Wyrm which I don't really feel like. If the situation continues like this I don't know how much longer I will be able to endure so I decided that tonight I was going to evade myself a little more than I should. I decided to call Kevin to give me some magic powder also known as cocaine. It wasn't the first time that I consumed it either, normally I got a little bit every time I was going to have sex with Trev since consuming it didn't make me feel so disgusted since I was not the one acting at the time. What was worse was that when I consumed it, I had a terrible desire to eat, but I made up for it by vomiting afterwards.

Trev came to pick me up at 8pm as every Saturday, so at 6:30pm I decided to start preparing since at 7:30pm Kevin came to give me the magic powders. I decided to dress in high-rise jeans and the white crop top with yellow flowers that Archie gave me, it was a way of feeling close to him. I put on my black bandana, my bracelets and my black platform converse. I put on my makeup and left my hair down and curled it. 

By the time I finished preparing Kevin was in the living room, Jughead had let him in. "Hey Kev, how much do I owe you?" I asked keeping the bag of cocaine in my purse. ''Nothing, this runs from my account. Now I have to go, enjoy the night'' Kevin winked at me and I faked a smile.

At 8pm Trev came to the apartment and we went to the Wyrm. As always I sat at the bar counter with Hog Eye, the bartender. He is who always keeps me company at night and tried I not to go overboard drinking. He's the only one Trev gives me permission to talk to because he's scared of him.

 ''Hey Hog, who are you today?''  I asked with a smile, a sincere one. ''You know, as always mini girl. How about you?'' Hog replied serving me a shot and I thank him and just I shrugged. We continued talking while he kept serving me shots. In my 15 shot Hog Eye went out to make a call so I took the opportunity to snort a little cocaine. When I wanted to realize the only thing I saw was black.