Salam everyone! Today I will be discussing a serious topic about when family and or friends talk bad about you. Backbiting is a serious issue everywhere and it is a serious sin. Especially in this holy month of Ramadan we should abstain from backbiting and break the habit. In order to handle backbiting here are some tips. Backbiting includes listening as well as making statements. It can be done by words, a glance, gestures, or writing. That a person might make the same statement (verbal or otherwise) in the presence of the absent person is no excuse.
1. Increase your knowledge one can not address backbiting without knowing the Islamic ruling on why it's a sin and how to go about it. Remember this sin has a severe punishment so if you do commit this sin repent sincerely to Allah SWT.
2. Avoid the people who talk bad about you. Sometimes even if it's family the best thing we can do is take a step back and just give each other space. Some people have little to say if they aren't talking about someone else. So you should avoid the people who are constantly back biting even if it results in burning a few bridges. Someone asked the Prophet (ﷺ) about backbiting and he said, "It is to mention about a man what he does not want to hear." He said, "Messenger of Allah! Even if it is true?" The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "If you utter something false, then it is slander." (Muwatta)
The gravity of backbiting is reflected in Allah Ta'ala's description of it: "Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother?" (49:12)
And the punishment is severe, as described by the Prophet (ﷺ), "When I was taken up to heaven I passed by people who had nails of copper and were scratching their faces and their breasts. I said: 'Who are these people, Gabriel?' He replied: ' They are those who were given to backbiting and who aspersed people's honour.'" (Dawud)
Fortunately, backbiting can be avoided.
3. Avoid places with a lot of gossip. There are some notorious places to spread rumors like internet chat rooms or the cafeteria or around family or friends that backbite. If you are around those people and you start engaging with it then leave. Just get up and go. You should not under any circumstances be in a place where backbiting is normal because then you'll become a backbiter.
4. Don't ask leading questions. Some questions can lead to backbiting like I haven't seen so and so for a while how are they? Instead of a simple reply like good the person could say that have you heard she's doing this and this which in turn is backbiting. Some scholars advise to not talk about an absent person because of back biting.
5. Don't engage in backbiting behavior. If someone is spreading rumors about you or saying mean and horrible things about you. I promise you if there's one thing you take away please let it be this. Do not under any circumstances stoop to their level. Don't backbite the other person because it makes you no better than them. Turn the other cheek. Even so kill them with kindness. "Be the flower that gives its fragrance even to the hand that crushes it." Imam Ali (May Allah be pleased with him). There is truth to that even if someone attacks you just be nice.
6. Stop backbiting the first time it happens
If you are in a new situation and people around you start backbiting, let them know immediately that you cannot be involved in such conversations. Make it clear from the beginning where you stand. The Prophet (ﷺ) stated: "Keep to gentleness and avoid harshness and coarseness. Gentleness is not found in anything without adorning it, and is not withdrawn from anything without shaming it."
7. Forgive those who backbite you. We all make mistakes and we all sin. Allah SWT knows our sins and mistakes. We are taught to repent and we should and ask for forgiveness. In the Quran we are encouraged to forgive others as well: "And let not those among you who are blessed with graces and wealth swear not to give to their kinsmen, Al-Masakin (the needy), and those who left their homes for Allah's Cause. Let them pardon and forgive. Do you not love that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."(24:22)
Al-Hasan al-Basri explained that what it means to repel evil with good, "When they are deprived, they give; and when they are wronged, they forgive."
In short, if someone backbites you, forgive them – perhaps you will be treated in the same fashion.
YOU ARE READING
Guide: Muslims and Muslimah
SpiritualThis is a guide book for Muslims and Muslimah and this book also had my stories for being a Muslim and everything. How I deal with the religionism.
