Tissues - Logicality AU

Ch. 16 - Forget

Logan's p.o.v.

Patton was the one to pull away from me, though I wanted nothing more than for him to stay. He looked at me and it was then that I realized he was crying. Immediate guilt surged through me as I wondered what I had done wrong to get this reaction from him. 

"Patton, I--" I whispered. I didn't get the chance to finish because he simply stood up and quickly ran out of the room. I looked at the others quickly before I got up and ran after him. They all watched confused as I left. I opened the doors and squinted as my eyes adjusted to the light. I could barely make out Patton running into a bathroom on the other side of the large hall. 

I quickly followed him, trying to be polite and say "excuse me" to anyone I bumped into. Though at this point in time no one else was on my mind except Patton. I opened the bathroom door and quickly walked inside, looking around. Patton was in front of one of the sinks, throwing water in his face. 

"Patton?" I asked. He whirled around to face me, water still dripping down his face.

"I-I..you..w-we..." He said, not quite able to form a sentence. I took a step towards him but he quickly shook his head. 

"N-no! Don't come any closer!" 

I stopped in my tracks. "Why?"

"Because I..I'll do it again." 

We said nothing, not breaking eye contact. I know he said not to, but I couldn't help myself. I continued to walk towards him as he backed away, eventually hitting a wall. I stopped a foot or two away from him. 

"Patton, I need to know if I did something to upset you." 

He looked at me like I was crazy. "Upset me?" 

I felt the blood rush to my face as I shrugged. "I-I don't know. It seemed as if I had upset you considering you were crying--"

He once again silenced me with a kiss, before pulling away again. "I-I need some fresh air." He said before running out again. I stood there for a moment, now even more confused than before. Suddenly a man with a leather jacket and sunglasses opened a stall. 

"Damn, girl. You'd better chase him, I could feel the tension from inside my stall." 

I just stared at him. 

"Honey, are you deaf? Go chase your love!" 

Though I had absolutely no idea who this person was, he was right. I bolted from the bathroom and ran back to the entrance. I opened the doors and looked around for Patton. I saw him pacing under a tree near the corner of the building. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me until I reached him. 

"Patton!" 

He looked back up, the tears back on his face. "Logan, you should go back inside. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"I truly think we should discuss what..just happened. Between us."

"We kissed! It was a mistake, and it won't happen again. I'm sorry for doing it."

"Patton, please stop apologizing--"

"No! Not for this! I shouldn't have done what I did. It wasn't fair to you or to anyone."

"Then why did you do it?"

"Because.."

I waited eagerly for his answer. He shook his head. 

"I-it doesn't matter. For crying out loud, I'm getting married soon! I-I shouldn't have kissed you, it was wrong, it was stupid, it was--"

"It didn't feel wrong to me." I interrupted. He stopped talking for a minute before he continued. 

"I-I just got engaged yesterday and now here I am kissing you. What is wrong with me? How could I be so stupid?"

"If you knew it was wrong then why did you do it?" 

"Because I really like you!" He yelled, tears trailing down his face and falling into the grass. I was stunned at the words that came from his mouth, and I think he was too. We just stared at each other as the wind blew, causing the leaves to shake, and a few of them falling. 

"And I know it's not right, and I shouldn't, but I..I do. But I can't. I shouldn't. I'm not supposed to and it isn't right." 

I couldn't argue that our kiss wasn't right. I knew he was involved with someone else, though I didn't realize they were engaged. I shouldn't have continued the kiss. I should've disengaged like I always do and just forgotten about it afterwards. 

"Patton, I'm sorry. I didn't know it would have this effect on you. This is the last thing I wanted." 

He shook his head. It seemed he wasn't really listening to me anymore. He began pacing again and talked to me and I think himself as well. 

"But he doesn't make me happy like you do. He can be really nice sometimes, but most of the time he isn't and I'm left having to deal with it. And then all I do is cry and feel sorry for myself and blame him just like I am now even though I cause most of the issues and--"

"Patton.." I began, but he still wasn't listening. He stopped pacing as he stared at the sidewalk. 

"And he..he hurts me. He can get really mad sometimes and he takes it out on me. And when I try to apologize he makes me..he makes me do things and..oh god, oh god.." He covers his mouth and squeaks. I can tell he's doing his best not to break down. 

"Hey, hey.." I said softly, walking closer to him. He didn't try to push me away this time. I hugged him and he leaned into me. He didn't hug me back, but I could feel just how much he was shaking. 

"I-I.." I didn't know how to console him. He's cried before, but this was different. I didn't know how to comfort him. I wanted to tell him that it was all going to be ok, but I can't control that. I wanted to say that I was there for him, but does that really matter?

"Just..let it out, Patton. It's alright." 

He clung onto the front of my sweater as he began sobbing. I just hugged him as I tried fighting back my own tears that began to form from seeing him this upset. We just stayed there until his sobs turned to shaky breaths. I didn't know what to say. 

"C-can we just...f-forget we kissed today? P-please?"

I felt a few tears fall from my eyes, but nevertheless I nodded. "If that's what you want." I said, trying to keep myself together. We stood there for a few more minutes until Patton moved away from me, wiping his tears. I quickly turned away from him and wiped my tears away as well. 

"We should head back inside. The others are might be worried." I said as I began walking back inside. 

Patton followed me, but instead of walking beside me, he walked a bit behind me. We met up with the group and we walked through the rest of the exhibits. Roman and Lydia were talking together, Virgil was walking beside Patton, and I was by myself. 

I'm always the one who will end up alone. 

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(Welp we all knew that angst was gonna come out of this somehow. I'm gonna go reevaluate my life decisions that led me to where I am right now. Anywhooo, cya in the next one, lads! -Manzana)