Cruel Summer

16. You'll Be the Last to Know

[Camila's POV]

 Being away from Shawn was even harder than I thought it would be. The first few days back home we would call and text all the time, and when he called before leaving for Yale, I cried like a baby on the phone. As the time passed by I could see the seasons changing, and all at once summer collapsed into fall.

Zayn was already in Scotland as well, so it was just me and mom, I would barely see dad like always, since he's working all the time. I don't even think he knows about Shawn and I, so maybe next time we see each other I should tell him, I just don't know if that's going to be tomorrow or in three months. I was trying to focus on school as a way to keep Shawn out of my mind, but I still find myself thinking about his lips as I try to study for the SAT's.

 " Hey, cutie." Shawn says as he answers my call.

 " Hi, I miss you." I say sitting down outside school as I see the beach in front of me.

 " I miss you too, so much." He says in a sad tone of voice.

 " How are your classes going?" I ask trying to cheer him up.

 " Great, I really like it around here." He says in a better mood.

 " I'm glad." I say quietly, thinking he's happy there without me. No, don't let that thought into your mind, Camila!

 " How is school?" He asks me.

 " It's boring." I tell him. " I can't wait to to take the SAT's already, it's exhausting having to study for it."

 " I know, but it'll pay off." He says trying to encourage me. " Next year you'll be in New York and won't even remember that."

 " I hope so." I say looking at the ocean.

 " Listen, I have to go." He says softly. " I love you and miss you so much, Mila."

 " I love you and miss you too." I tell him. " Bye, Shawn." He ends the call, and I just sit there listening to the static on the other line.

 During this time I kept texting Olivia, and she told me she's talking to my brother, they decided to be in an open relationship, so they can see other people while they're apart. That sends into a spiral of thoughts that maybe I'm keeping Shawn stuck while he could be dating all these amazing girls at college. I've been having a bunch of those lately and even though I try to avoid these ideas, they always find their way back into my mind.

Everytime I would talk to Shawn I would feel more down because I couldn't see him in person, so at some point I started to avoid his calls. Maybe if I didn't talk to him, I wouldn't miss him this much.

 " Darling, is everything okay between you and Shawn?" My asks me as we sit down to have dinner. It's almost December and I've been avoiding Shawn more than ever.

 " No. Why?" I say looking at the food, but not really eating.

 " He called me." She says finally catching my attention.

 " What did he say?" I ask curiously.

 " That he thinks you're avoiding him." She says looking at me. " He's worried about you." I look down at my food and start eating, avoiding her gaze. " Camila, look at me. Why are you acting like this?"

 I feel a single tear roll down my eye, but I quickly clean it up so she won't see it. She takes my hand over the table like she's waiting for me to say something, but the only thing that happens is that more tears start to roll down my face. She gets up and sits next to me, pulling me into a hug.

 " I miss him so much, mom." I say between sobs.

 " Then why are you avoiding him?" She asks softly as her hands rub my back.

 " It's frustrating talking to him on the phone but not being able to see him in person. I don't think I can't handle doing that this whole year." I say holding my mom tightly.

 " We can arrange something for Christmas." She says pulling away and cleaning my tears with her hands.

 " I don't know if I want to see him just to have another heartbreaking goodbye right after." I say quietly.

 " What do you want then?"

 " I don't know." I say feeling more confused than before.

 I spend the next week trying to think about this whole situation, but everything just makes me more confused and frustrated. Shawn has been calling and texting, but I can't find the strength in myself to answer. When I finally do it's already december and I've made a decision, probably the hardest one I'd ever had to make.