it was always you // logince

♡ 17 : three ♡

*tw: mental health discussion*

"Your life is insane," Virgil said. "No way! So are you guys together again?"

Logan shook his head. "That's the thing. We don't know. He doesn't think he's good enough for me and he's suffering a lot. I think all his repressed emotions from being afraid of Abigail's response are coming out together. He thinks he's too unstable to be with me and doesn't want to end up like... Janus."

"Oh..."

"We'll figure it out eventually. Anything new with you?"

"Not really," Virgil said with a shrug. "Just doing the typical computer science major shit," he laughed. "I'm so glad I've embraced the single life because your situation is even stressful for me and I'm not even part of it."

He suddenly got a text and looked down at his phone, cracking a tiny smile before flipping it back over.

"What was that?" Logan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing important," Virgil replied.

~~~

Abigail gathered all her personal belongings and left, full of embarrassment, meaning Roman didn't need to find a new home which he was grateful for.

He sat in the middle of the bed.

On her way out, she yelled at him. She called him a bitch, a bastard, a waste of space. Normally Roman didn't want to use physical force on a living being, but he roughly pushed her out the door and locked it behind her. In case she still had the key, he would have to get his lock replaced.

And there was so much more space on the bed, which was never that big to begin with.

He was happy she was gone, but at the same time, he felt so cold. Something was missing. It was obvious it would take time to get over it all, even if he wasn't even attracted to women.

He said he was gay, and he believed it. It was the first label he'd given himself out loud that felt right. Even so...

It was difficult getting to sleep, but when he woke up, he turned over and went to say good morning, but nobody was there. Somehow it was a relief at the same time as saddening him. But he wasn't really sad, he just couldn't take not having the routine.

Roman: can i come over today? it's weird being at my house completely alone for the first time

Logan: Sure. You can arrive at any time. I've already finished my lesson plans early.

~~~

Roman kissed Logan as soon as he entered his house, and Logan smiled into it.

"Is it cheesy to say I'm pretty sure we're soulmates?" Roman breathed out. "Like we're not even dating, and I have this feeling."

Normally Logan would gag at the sentiment, but being seen as so important and loved by someone threw him off guard. All he could make out was, "Yeah."

"'Yeah' to it's cheesy?"

"No."

"Ah."

Out of nowhere, Roman let out a quick laugh.

"What?" Logan asked.

"We're so awkward. It's like we aged down to like, seventh graders."

They sat next to each other, and Roman noticed how Logan blushed and started to sweat. The older one looked down at the carpet with his hands in his lap.

"What's up?" Roman asked softly.

Logan stammered meaninglessly before he just got closer and held Roman's arm in an embrace, leaning up against him.

"Are you shy because you wanted to cuddle?" Roman snickered. "You could've just said so."

"Shut- Shut the fuck up." But he didn't move away.

Soon, the conversation shifted.

"We're acting like boyfriends right now."

"Are we?"

Logan pursed his lips. "I'm still on the fence, though I'm usually so decisive. I stand by what I said earlier, that I believe you should seek help. A proper diagnosis and a refill for antidepressants, if a professional says you need it."

Roman gulped. "You're right. I'm just... Would you still love me? If I was just messed up? Would anyone love me?"

"Yes," Logan replied without a doubt in sight. "Sometimes I think you forget I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety, even if I don't 'seem like the type' or some bullshit. As long as you're still you, I-I'll love you."

"...Okay, then. Maybe I will."

"And remember, it's a big change. This must all be so overwhelming, so don't aim to figure everything out all at once."

~~~

For a few days, Roman came over to Logan's so often that Logan just had him stay as if he lived there. The cold empty house with traces of his ex fiancée obviously wasn't doing him any good.

One night, Logan was grading papers. He pushed up his glasses and listened to the soft classical piano music he'd put on to help him focus.

Roman barged in from his appointment with a huge grin. "Just came back with three confirmed mental illnesses, baby! Depression, anxiety, and PTSD!" he exclaimed. "I'm in pain and covering it up with fake laughter because I'm a disappointment to humanity!"

Logan closed his laptop, which turned off the music too. "You're not."

He's right. I'm not.

He's not a disappointment, and he has the same things minus the PTSD.

But I'm me.

Roman flopped down on the couch.

"Do you want to talk?" Logan asked.

"Not right now, I don't think."

"Oh, okay."

Life is so damn tiring.

~~~

(a/n: sorry for being distant. <3 anyways, remember to educate yourself on important topics as much as possible. now is a great time for growth)