The end is nigh, making Death a very busy man. And that's too bad because he's kind of stupid. Luckily, he's got Cheron, a deadpan heroine who just so happens to be immortal. Watch as they reap souls, fall in love, and destroy the universe. Then wat...
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The Secretary of Styx office is where deceased souls go to register their places in Purgatory and the Hotel. No one knows why the souls' files don't just update their status upon entering the Hotel, or why the process of registering takes so long, or why the office seems to be the only area of the Hotel that isn't infinite, or why there only seems to be Hell after death. Death himself doesn't even know. I don't even know.
Every day, at all times, a dejected line of souls snakes from one end of the office to the other and back again, with no discernable beginning or end. Each soul clutches a ticket representing a place in the line. At the front of the room are eight service windows for each civil worker. However, due to the understaffing, six of the eight windows display red "CLOSED" signs. Only Hal and the maid manager could make it today. Plastered above each window is a screen that announces which client can be helped next. At the back of the room, beside the exit, Juno and Madame Muffinpie sulk on egg-shaped seats.
Madame Muffinpie scoots and scans the wall behind her. She spots a bulletin board with two fliers. One reads, "HAVE YOU SEEN THESE SOULS?" It showcases three blurry figures wearing pink uniforms. The other flier reads, "HELP WANTED." Below the words are phone number tear-offs, none of which are torn off. The cat considers taking one but stops as she notices a ginormous, golden-framed poster of a kitten hanging from a tree. Under the kitten, the poster reads, "HANG IN THERE." The creature hangs in the worst way you can possibly imagine. Madame Muffinpie cries a little bit at the sight. She shifts back into her chair and mimics Juno's slumping. Both of them stare ahead at the sea of fellow alien souls, all of whom are just as confused.
The monitor above Hal's window blinks rapidly, displaying a new ticket number. As it does, the cyclops groans, inhales as much as he can, and screams, "Now assisting 'H.S.-five ZETA, one-hundred sixty-nine billion, four-hundred twenty-eight million, three-hundred seventy-three thousand, five-hundred two of alternative M.W. within Holocene Epoch of geological time, version six-million, three-hundred seventy-thousand, nine-hundred thirty-one, point twenty-two seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven-B!'"
Juno and Madame Muffinpie jolt up from their shared trance. Madame Muffinpie gapes at Juno as he shuffles through his pocket, grabbing a thin ticket the length of a toilet paper roll.
Juno blinks. "Huh. I guess that's me." Getting up from his chair, he scans across the sea of souls for Hal's window, putting a hand above his eyes as if that helps gauge the distance.
Madame Muffinpie continues staring at Juno until she loses him to the crowd. She considers praying for him but stops as she remembers their situation. She glances back at the poster, then to the crowd again, and she screams.
Meanwhile, Juno inches through the crowd, disregarding the rules of a line but saying sorry anyway. The souls surrounding him come in literally every shape, size, and species imaginable. On his journey, Juno notices a walking bowl of cereal but instead of carrying cereal, it carries a multitude of eyeballs. Juno also sees reverse-Medusa: a snake with human women for hair. He even, as he swears to God (but wondering if that is still a possibility), sees Mothman. Juno continues the odyssey, but he tries to focus his gaze exclusively on Hal's window and the floor. As he does, the miscellaneous voices around him flood his ears:
