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Twenty Three

Then the guys would come over and hype me up until an hour before the show. At that time I would prepare my hair, makeup, and outfit. The rest would go down in history as the most badass moment of my life.

Message has been sent but I kind of can't come tonight. My mom found out I've been sneaking out for our meetings. I'm on super lockdown.

-August

I'm on lockdown too, but I will be able to sneak out around five for about an hour.

-Marcus

Both my parents are home but I'll do my best to be there.

-Finn

So much for moral support 🙄🙄

-Beckett

Hey I never said I wasn't coming.

-Jordan

Worse case scenario I'll open my window, you open yours and it's like I'm there in spirit.

-Finn

I rolled my eyes and tossed my phone on my bed. This was not how this simple plan was supposed to go. I mean I guess I could turn some music on and pump myself up. I can understand August bailing, but even Marcus was going to make an effort to bust out of prison to be in this moment with me.

I fought the urge to text Finn and ask if he was really on lockdown or his nonsupport of what was taking place that evening keeping him from coming over. He said he would support me either way so i shoved the thought in the back of my head and opted for music.

I turned on the radio and began dancing around the room. The only interruption I had was the doorbell signalling Jordan had arrived. "What's going on with your hair?" Jordan's stare was almost offensive so my hand instinctively went to the socks rolled up in my hair.

"I saw it on YouTube. It's supposed to curl my hair." I did in fact find a tutorial on how to curl your hair with tube socks. Hopefully it didn't end in a disaster. "Trust me it's going to look good." And maybe if I keep telling myself that it will be true. It's not like Jordan and I were close so I appreciated the fact that out of all people was sticking to the plan in my time of need.

All of that aside sitting in my bedroom with Jordan was kind of awkward. I opened my window  in hopes that Finn would open his soon and then we could at least shout across our yards. "So are you ready for this?" I was rummaging through my drawers looking for the perfect outfit when Jordan's question caught me off guard.

"Actually I am. The day isn't exactly going as planned but I feel pretty relaxed. I have the confidence to do this." I laid out a white padded bra and matching panties. From the corner of my eye I could see Jordan's face flush. It's not that i needed padding but i was trying to start with a bang. 

"Good, good." A blanket of silence wrapped around us. I wasn't sure if I could handle hours alone with Jordan. "I bet you didn't expect all of this after those pictures leaked." I was only half listening while I laid out my makeup, well my mom's makeup. I had watched a few Youtube videos on that as well. "If it was me i would have laid low, maybe even tried to transfer but not you. You're just embracing it and throwing it out there for the world to see."

"What?" Was that code for calling me a slut? Normally my mind wouldn't go there while talking to Jordan but his words were a little sharp. They were pointed and almost accusatory.

"What y'all doing?" Finn's voice floated through my window. It was faint but still clear. It gave Jordan reason to change the subject but i wasn't going for that.

Jordan moved to the window seal to respond. "Beckett's getting ready, I'm just providing moral support."

"Is that what you call moral support? It kind of sounded like you were calling me a slut." I turned to face Jordan crossing my arms in the process.

"What no, that's not what I meant. I just meant--"

"What exactly? What could you possibly mean by 'I'm throwing it out for the world to see'?"

"I'm trying to tell you but you never let me talk! You're always cutting me off, or leaving me out. When you and Finn were friends things were fine but then you wanted to go and invade my friend group. Taking my place on the court, leaving me to do projects on my own. You're selfish. Everything is about you. You decided to do this porn shit and we all have to drop what we're doing to cater to you." Porn shit? He was not going there as if I just pulled this idea out of my ass.

"Get over yourself Jordan. You are entitled to your feelings but let me be the one to tell you that  they're bullshit. I didn't take your friends. I've been hanging out with all of you since middle school. You're acting like a little girl. Are you on your period?  Is that it?" I was seeing red. Where was all this anger coming from? Why did he think he had the right to call me selfish? I was thrown into a shitty situation and I was doing my best to come out on top of it. If my friends choose to hold me down in the process, how on earth did that make me selfish?

"I can't hear you all, can you speak up?" Finn's voice was a little louder but I was definitely ignoring him at that point.

"Oh fuck you Beckett." Such strong words coming from JOrdan. If I wasn't thoroughly pissed I would have been impressed. "You have all this confidence now that you've stood up to Carly. Now that you and Marcus are butt buddies and you're dating Finn you think you can walk all over me. You should be thanking me! If I hadn't leaked your nudes you wouldn't even have all this confidence."

I froze. If he hadn't leaked me nudes? If HE hadn't leaked my nudes! Time was frozen in an instant. I could hear my breathing and the sound of my heart beating in my ears. This has to be a joke. Though it felt like everything around me was in slow motion my thoughts were racing at lightning speed.

The first image that popped in my head was Jordan's face on the basketball court when Finn chose him over me and I ran my mouth about it. Then ignoring Jordan on my birthday moments before the first photo leaked in the cafeteria. The strange look he gave me before volunteering to do our group assignment on his own, which coincidentally happened hours before the video of me leaked. The look on Jordan's face when he found out everyone had been at my house and no one thought to invite him. Then just hours later he admitted to spreading the rumor that I was going to have a cam show.

All this time my disdain for Carly made it easy for him to hide in plain sight. To hide that ugly monster jealousy that had been hiding so deep within him. Nothing I had done to him constituted this. He took his greatest fear and made sure I had to live it. I was going to kill him.

My father is a murderer. Am I predisposed? Was he?

I had no answers for those questions. The next thing I knew my hands were wrapped around his throat.

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I hope you all are staying safe during this crazy time!

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