Viral

Eighteen

"Be with someone who wants to see you grow."
-Toni Payne

If you give light and attention to anything it will grow. You have to choose what you nurture. You have to determine what is important to see germinate and what should be put to rest. What things in your life are you willing to water, place in the right amount of sunlight, and repot when it outgrows its space? More importantly what needs to be stomped out like a used cigarette?

I had stood in my bathroom mirror for thirty minutes practicing what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. If the walls could talk, they would have given me an earful of how utterly stupid I looked. But I needed the boost of confidence.

It started with the outfit. Everything in my closet was screaming 12-year old boy. Nothing was speaking to me or gave a hint of seduction. What am I saying? It's not that I was going for seduction, but I wanted Finn to look at me and want to automatically punch himself in his face for all of his stupidity.

In the end I decided to rummage through my mother's closet for something remotely enticing. I chose a white sheer button up and figured I could make do with some leggings. Just to be a tease I grabbed a white lace bralette from out shopping trip. It was like the blush one I had worn to his house however you couldn't see my nipples through this one.

I had my script; I knew what I wanted to say. Finn needed to finally get it through his thick skull how I felt about Carly. I needed to understand why he didn't have the same beliefs. And for some stupid reason I needed validation. Something that told me I was beyond good enough; despite any type of reassurance he gave in the past verbally it wasn't connecting to his current actions. But I must say, all of that went out the window when I climbed up the ladder to the treehouse and saw him.

He sat with his back to me staring through the skylight of the tree house. The ends of his hair brushing past his shoulders were curling into waves. I could tell he had just showered recently. It was amazing he could take my breath away and I hadn't even come face to face yet.

This was something I wanted to water, and watch grow. Finn reminded me of a sunflower with his blonde mane. He was tall like the plant reaching heights I never would. I had the desire to be the sun, the nutrients he needed to drink in to thrive. No matter the time of day sunflowers always face the sun. That's the type of attention I needed in my life.

I wanted to call out to him or grab his attention in some way so he could drink in my appearance, but I couldn't think of anything to say. I couldn't even think of the first thing on my list that I wanted to yell at him about so instead I plopped down next to him wishing I had an ounce of grace that would have made the action of me sitting more attractive.

Thank God he was the first to speak. His eyes never left the skylight, so I did my best to focus my attention on the same area. "I'm sorry for trashing your living room." I couldn't help my lazy smile when I noticed he made no mention of punching August.

I stole a glance at the side of his face quickly mapping out his freckles in my mind before looking back up at the skylight. "No mention of why you were trashing my living room?" I hadn't meant the playfulness in my voice. I wanted to be mad. I wanted to rip him a new one. So why did I feel so weak. When he didn't respond I nudged his arm with my shoulder.

"Fine." I got swept up in those stormy blue eyes the moment they met my own. Why was I mad again? "I'm not going to lie I may have been a little upset about you spending time with August. Don't get me wrong: it's not that you can't hang out with whoever you want  just...  I don't know why I let him get under my skin."

Did August's words get under his skin because what he saying was true? I don't know why that question got lost on the tip of my tongue. "Why was Carly at your house so long?" The words were sharp like jagged stone. I hadn't meant them to be abrasive, but that's the thing about jealousy. It knows how to play its role; it knows how to dig its fingers into your mind and steer your thoughts and feelings to match its own.