Our Girl

We Ready

It's been a few weeks since my breakdown. I should have seen it coming. I kept bottling everything up. It was all going to come out eventually. I didn't want to admit to myself, much less anyone else, that I was struggling. I didn't want to appear weak. I wanted to be able to handle it all.

Then of course my panic attack last week at the party. I knew I couldn't put the boys through more stress knowing there were things that I could be doing to help me deal with my demons.

The first thing I needed to do was go see my doctor. I told her a little of what was going on, minus the assault of course. She spoke with my Mother and I was ultimately placed on antidepressants and anxiety medication.

I tried to remind myself that sometimes people just need a little more help than others to live.

Since my episodes, Levi has been watching me like a hawk. I'm surprised he lets me go to the bathroom alone. I'm not sure how much Colson told him and I don't want to ask. Judging by his behavior, it was enough to send Levi into papa bear mode.

It would help if Colson told me what I said to begin with. I wasn't in my right mind when I broke down. I could've been murmuring the recipe to spaghetti and I wouldn't have known.

Speaking of the guys. It's finally the week of the championship and the guys have been sweating bullets. Seriously, their nerves have been off the charts. Our team has been runner ups two years in a row and they didn't want to make it a third.

Levi was all healed up from his car accident to a certain extent. Beating people up kind of took its toll on his recovery but there was no way he was going to miss this game.

The team left early this morning to head to the stadium and prepare. The Harpers, my Mom, Sawyer, and her Parents, decided to tailgate. Which meant I would have to tailgate. I hated tailgating, too many people.

After the grilling and eating, we all made the 2 hour trip where the Championship was being held. I tried to sleep most of the ride there but my anxiety was way too high. I wanted this win for the boys desperately. This would be their last chance at getting a high school championship ring. They deserved that ring in more ways than people could imagine.

I'm even hoping Tyler does well and I still want to knock his teeth out.

My thoughts were on my Dad. I wondered what he would be telling the boys right now. What pep talk would he be giving Levi? Would it be a calm pep talk or one that will make your adrenaline spike? Would he have camped out at the stadium the night before from excitement?

I wonder what's going through Levi's mind. Our Dad has missed his games before, in fact, he's missed two championship games prior to this one. But now it's different, he's not missing it because he was working, he's missing it because he's gone. It's a completely different feeling.

Trying to find parking was a difficult task. There were just so many people. So many unknown people. I'm still not handling the unknown correctly yet. I know it'll take time but I'm lacking patience with myself.

The energy around the stadium was high. Everyone was excited to see their team have a chance at a ring. It's hard to not relish in this addicting atmosphere. I was excited to be here, regardless of my anxiety. Regardless of the outcome.

We took our seats in the stands. We all had on our boys shirts under our school football sweatshirts. It was 42 degrees out. A bit cold for football during the day but no pain no gain. We were the Warriors and everyone looked fantastic in their orange and purple attire.

The two teams competing for the 4A Championship were on the field warming up. My eyes were glued on Levi and Colson. They didn't look nervous. They looked ready.