Outside || Luke Hemmings

Chapter 39

It was almost 11 PM and we were back in the hotel.
I had taken a very nice and warm shower and was currently sitting on the bed, trying to figure out how this phone works.
Luke still hadn’t turned on his and I was wondering why.
Luke walked into the bedroom and smiled at me.
It seemed like everything was back to normal after that kiss.
Even though I still wanted him to do it again and I couldn’t stop thinking about that feeling it gave me.
I felt everything but normal now.
But I decided to push it away. It would probably be gone by tomorrow morning, right?
I watched Luke as he walked up to the bed and sat down on it.
He had changed his black skinny jeans for some comfortable sweatpants and he decided to just get rid of his shirt as well.
He had his wallet in one hand and the letter from my parents in the other.
‘Can I ask you something?’ he said, handing me back the letter.
I sat down next to him and nodded ‘Of course you can’
‘How many times did you think of your parents today?’
‘Just once or twice I think. Why?’
‘Because…you are completely hung up on that letter and…well,’ he awkwardly scratched his neck, not wanting to say the next words.
‘the thing is, if you really want to feel less sad or miserable about your parents you have to let them go. And by constantly taking this letter with you, you’re not letting them go, you’re trying to get them back’
I looked at the letter and sighed.
‘I’m not telling you, you should immediately get rid of it. I guess I’m just…asking you to keep that in mind. You can’t spend your whole life holding on to that.’
‘I know’ I answered sadly.
Luke smiled an apologetic smile and scooted closer to me.
He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest.
‘I’m sorry’ he mumbled.
I shook my head ‘Sorry for what?’
‘I don’t know, I’m just sorry’ He pulled away from our hug, only far enough so he could look at me.
‘I’m sorry you have to go through this’ he said, his voice just above a whisper.
‘Well, that’s not your fault right?’ I smiled.
Luke looked at me, the concerned look was back in his eyes but this time it was mixed with something else.
Like he was doubting something.
I furrowed my eyebrows as he looked away from me and sighed.
‘No, you’re right. I couldn’t do anything about it. But that doesn’t mean I still feel sorry for you’
‘Don’t feel sorry for me, I’ll be fine’ Luke smiled and pulled me back against his chest.
He leaned his head against mine and unconsciously started drawing little circles on my back.
‘Can I ask you something else?’ Luke asked after a few minutes of a very comfortable silence.
I nodded and waited for him to continue.
‘What does it say? The letter I mean. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I was just wondering’
‘eh…’ I started, taking my one arm away from around his chest and looking at the letter in my hand.
‘You can read it if you want’ I said, sitting up straight so I could look at him.
‘Are you sure?’ Luke asked.
I nodded and handed him the letter.
I moved to the other side of the bed to crawl under the blankets and watched him intently as he read through the letter.
I was afraid he was going to judge me for holding on to it, or even worse, that he would laugh at me for it.
But when he finished reading, he didn’t laugh and he didn’t judge me.
He just carefully put it on the bedside table and crawled over to me.
He laid down under the blankets and motioned for me to come cuddle with him.
‘Now I understand why you keep reading it’ he said, turning of the lights.
‘I didn’t memorize it yet, if that’s what you were wondering’  I mumbled.
Luke didn’t answer, he just continued drawing figures on my arm as I slowly felt myself drift off to sleep.