Chasing Shadows

21 Betrayal

R E A G A N

When I pulled into my driveway my hands shook so hard I could barely get the key out of the ignition. I had no idea what waited for me. The front door opened and my mom appeared. The light from the living room cast her in shadows.

I got out of the car, clutching my bag to my chest. I licked my lips and climbed the porch steps. My mom looked me up and down and stepped out of my way to let me in the house.

"Come sit with me," she said. I heard the front door click behind her and she slid the security chain into place.

To my surprise, she took my duffle bag and carried it into the kitchen. She set it on the floor beside her chair and sat. I did the same. My legs twitched and bounced under the table. My fingers danced across the wood. I couldn't stop my twitching. For once my mom didn't yell at me to stop.

"I put you and your brother in an impossible position," she said.

Ya think? I thought, but kept my mouth shut.

"It was wrong to try to drag you into my fight with your father. But this will affect all of us, whether I dragged you in or not."

"So that's your excuse?" I said. I couldn't stop the words this time. I glared at her. "You bribed me and wanted me to testify against Dad. And when I said no you told me to leave."

"I was wrong. I don't want you to do something that will make you feel uncomfortable for my own convenience."

"Is that why you asked me to come back?" The bitterness in my tone was evident. "To absolve yourself and ask forgiveness?"

"I asked you to come back because you're my child and I want you home. Whether you forgive me or not is up to you. However, we need to talk about this."

I laced my fingers together to stop tapping against the table. "So, talk."

"I loved your father at one point. It has long been sour and don't pretend you didn't notice. We went to therapy and it didn't work. I wish I'd known about his lover before wasting time on it."

"I didn't know you went to therapy."

My mom shook her head. Her tight lips quirked a little. I couldn't tell if she wanted to smile or frown. "I didn't want you or Nate to know. In hindsight, maybe I should have brought you with us. We could all have benefitted from family therapy."

"We probably still could." I shrugged.

"Probably." She laughed. It was a throaty, sarcastic noise, but I hadn't heard her laugh in so long it made me feel better. "Still, your father and I can't make it work. We aren't going to. He's got that slut to keep him occupied."

"Mom..."

She rolled her eyes and showed teeth. "I will try to keep my insults of them out of your and Nate's earshot, but it will be difficult." She took in a deep breath through her nose and continued. "We're a family, even if we're a broken one. I love you, Reagan, and I do not want us to fall apart because of this."

"Haven't we already?"

To my surprise, my mom reached across the table and grabbed my hands. She covered them with hers, squeezing. I unfolded my hands and let her take both in hers.

"A little. We all need to try harder though. Me especially. And it starts tonight."

I talked with my mom for about an hour. She told me when things started to get bad with my dad. It was before Olivia even came into the picture, years before. I was probably eight or nine. They stayed together for Nate and me. My mom came from a divorced home, she didn't want it for us. Unfortunately, it only made matters worse. She told me she was bitter she clung so long to a dead marriage when she could have found another man who made her happy. I told her I didn't want them to get divorced, that I wanted them to be the loves of each other's lives. She didn't ridicule me or tell me that was dumb. She just poured me some tea and listened.