My Mate is a Crazy Cat Lady {Namjoonxreader}

Chapter 44: He's My Mate

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Saying the L word while enveloped in a cloud of lust was probably not the best idea, so in the end I'm glad Jungkook interrupted. However, now the situation I'm left with is how and when to say it.

I definitely feel it and know it in my heart that I love him. I know that Fluffy loves me. I know we're soul mates, supposedly picked by some moon goddess who thought my stupid ass would be a good match for someone with a 148 IQ. Though admittedly, sometimes that IQ seems absent, because who puts on a sock and a shoe and THEN the other sock and shoe? NO ONE. You put on both socks, then both shoes.

Despite this unfortunate habit, I still love him.

But.

Maybe this is a stupid question.

How do I know he loves me? He seems to have an obsession with me. I think he likes me. But love is a different level. So in true Lee Y/n fashion, I overthink it.

What if I tell him I love him and he doesn't say it back? Or worse, what if I say it and he says he doesn't love me? Then we'll break up and I'll be forever alone because let's face it, I hate everyone and highly doubt I could tolerate another guy touching me after Namjoon. Then I'll grow old and be alone with a pack of cats the size of a kindergarten classroom.

Actually...that sounds great.

Except for the alone part. And the part with Namjoon not loving me.

Everyone will laugh at me and I'll be that creepy ahjumma who smells like cat urine and only wears sweater vests and refuses to decorate my house for any holiday or be relatable in any way.

Namjoon will probably marry some other bitch who has a 200 IQ and they'll build rocket ships together and have fifteen kids who are all over achievers and their dad will tell them about that one girl he dated in high school who thought she could be loved.

He'll be all: "This is swell. I always desired a couple nippers but that smelly twat, Y/n, did not. Bloody hell."

I have no idea why, but Namjoon is British in this alternate reality.

I'm wrong and over thinking things and simplifying his feelings. In the back of my mind, I understand that and know that he wouldn't treat me like a queen if he didn't feel the same in some respect.

The problem is that same old insecurity that kept me from wanting to date him in the first place. You're disgusting. When I was depressed those words were a constant gnawing on my self confidence, trying every nonsensical argument to put me down and keep me there. Now that I'm in a better place they aren't so loud anymore, yet sometimes they'll come back and hit me right where it hurts the most.

After every word, kiss, touch, and action Namjoon has done that proved those words false, it feels wrong to still have their presence in my mind. Worse yet, to believe them. I try to ignore them. I really do. But erasing damage done isn't so easy.

I ask Eun-ji and In-guk for their take on it. The both of them share a meaningful glance and erupt into laughter.

This honestly hurt my feelings for a moment before Eun-ji started wheezing between fits of laughter. "Remember his face?"

"What...?"

Confused, I look to In-guk for answers but he only replies with, "Remember when he pissed his pants?"

"What! Who pissed their pants?" I look back and forth between them, trying to make sense of what they're saying but get no real answer.

Not until after three whole minutes of this when Eun-ji wipes tears of her mirth from her eyes and says in the most nonchalant voice ever: "Right, so In-guk like, totally beat the crap out of Kris when he treated you like he did."