Love Is Not Enough | Chaelisa

Chapter 28

A week has passed since my call with Bam and I've still made no move. Well, I did. I thought a lot about the things he said and about what I'd actually want to do in case Rosie agreed. But that was about it. It was better this way though, both she and I got more time to ourselves, to reflect and process the fact that we've actually confessed to each other, which still wasn't quite clicking with me.

I didn't want to move too fast, and also wanted to make sure that once I actually did make a move everything would be just the way it was supposed to. No way in hell was I going to allow myself to mess up and let her slip past my fingers. That's why I dedicated all my free time to thoughts of her. Not that I didn't every other day, but this time, I thought about how to make sure she would be happy and comfortable in case she said yes to a date.

It was still so fresh in my mind that just thinking the word "date" made butterflies arise in my stomach and my head spin. If Rosie said yes, I would be taking her out on a date. 

The idea still didn't quite resonate with me, as it was too surreal for my brain to comprehend. But whenever I told myself this was now my reality, and something that could actually happen, my mind went into overdrive, as I began overthinking everything I've said and done since the day I met her. The more I started doubting myself for reading the signs wrong, the more insecure I got. But there's only so much one can make themselves feel insecure about when she herself told me how she felt.

Spur of the moment or not, she did like me. I wasn't as sure of the love part since it has been quite the emotional rollercoaster for her, but she wanted me. I was who she wanted, who made her happy, and that was enough for me at the moment. Maybe because that's exactly how I felt. I came to understand that a while ago, that she was the person who made me feel the most loved, cared for, while also planting the biggest smile on my features. It was a long time since I've loved this girl, it just hasn't quite reached my brain until a few weeks ago. But now that it did, I was always on the edge of screaming into my pillow because the excitement at the revelations she felt the same was just too much.

Rosie and I had our conversation about how we felt a week ago and since then, we never came back to it, both being too shy and scared to bring it up. I wasn't that scared actually, I just thought that since I already knew how she felt, I might ask her out instead. To me, it sounded like a good plan, seeing as I wasn't willing to spend more time than absolutely necessary without weaving our fingers together and holding her close. In all honesty, the thing I wanted the most was to be able to call her mine, to kiss her, and hold her whenever I wanted. To show the world that Rosie Park was indeed dating the idiot Lalisa Manoban, that she was dating me. But if she needed space, I would, by all means, respect that. That's why I wanted to go slow on her, not overwhelming her with feelings all at once.

She, on the other hand, seemed to be scared, as she hasn't even brought the subject up. And if it wasn't for her not so subtle stares, blushes and 'accidental' brushes of her hands against mine, that almost always resulted in her having a flushed face, I would think that it was all created in my head. I knew she didn't regret what she said, it was obvious, even to me, from the way she acted whenever I was around.

But even with her shy nature, I could see she wanted to say something. She attempted to once or twice anyway, which was always an adorable sight to see, as she fiddled with her fingers nervously, pink tinge spreading all around her plump cheeks. 

Rosie turned into a stuttering mess every time, not being quite able to finish her sentence whenever our eyes met, and for once, I was glad. Because this time, I wanted to be the one to take the initiative. I wanted to show her I was willing to fight too, just as I was willing to wait.

It was sort of frustrating though because suddenly it felt strange holding her hand and inviting her over. We were still friends, but at the same time, we were so much more than that, and I didn't mean just soulmates this time. Things have changed between us, well, not really since both of us felt like this for a long time. But now that it was out in the open, no secrets between us, we grew inhibited and cautious. And as much as I wanted to hold her hand like so many times before, I always grew shy, just like she has.