Love Is Not Enough | Chaelisa

Chapter 22

"...Rosie," I breathed.

No words escaped her mouth as she stared at me, probably waiting for me to explain or say something further but redundantly. Rosie was my answer, nothing more to it, just her. There was nothing more to say. She was the one who held my heart between her palms, she was the one who had every and any power over it, and I was an idiot for not admitting my feelings for her sooner.

Sure, I was still confused, but now, I acknowledged that whatever the feelings she ignited in me were, they weren't friendly based anymore. I knew there was more I wanted. Her pain was my pain, her sadness was my sadness, her happiness was mine. She was the most important person in my life and I could finally see that. I could finally admit to myself that Rosie wasn't just a friend to me anymore. She was so much more. My best friend, my soulmate, my person and if there was anything I could do to get her back, I would.

I've learned so much from her over the months I've known her and one of those things was not to lose hope, to see the good in people, to not give up. And that was exactly what I planned on doing. I finally met the person who was my beginning, and hopefully, my end. Who got me like no one else did and I was not about to let her slip through my fingers. I would never forgive myself if I didn't at least try.

After all, what is fear when no one knows what comes next? So yeah, I was scared, but I wouldn't let it get to me anymore. I wouldn't let fear stand in the way of my happiness. I attempted to tell her there was a lion next to her, but she refused to listen and so, all I could do was pray her soul would survive through another day. But it was only a matter of time till she found out, and something told me, it would not be in the best way. Even in the beginning when I just didn't like her, I knew something was wrong, I didn't need any proof, I just knew. Just as I knew she was going to get hurt, and unfortunately, I was right. She just didn't know it yet.

She was an angel circling my mind, showing me the best version of myself I could be. I saw oceans in her eyes, in which I got lost over and over again, and I would continue letting myself get lost in them forever. She was the liquor that made me lose my inhibitions, that let my deepest and truest self take over. I was scared of drowning in the emotions she evoked in me, so I distanced myself from her, tried to bury them one by one, but I soon found out, one can't repress their feelings for long. 

But with her, I no longer wanted to. Around her, I just wanted to be me. To be fearless and dive right in, not because I was stupid and let someone in, but because she earned my trust, I knew with her I was safe. I knew she wouldn't let me drown.

We might have had a falling out, she might have chosen someone else over me but as much as it hurt, I chose to understand. She taught me there were more colors than just black and white, that one wasn't to lose faith in those they loved. 

Looking back at all the moments we shared, to everything she said, it made sense. She and I were the same. We were both hurt and had trouble trusting people because we did that mistake before. Rosie might not have said it, but I knew I became the person closest to her, the one she turned to in time of need when she was sad or happy. I'm sure she was scared too, but she learned to trust me. And when she was told I have done something to hurt her, she believed it because it was, what she was used to. People who she cared about most, hurting her. 

It was her defense mechanism and I couldn't possibly hold that against her, not when I was avoiding her and being distant, just so I wouldn't get hurt. Not, when I was terrified of the feelings deep within, that I knew could crush me to pieces (and in the end they did), and when I knew she didn't feel the same. It would hurt me once she'd say it. And the only way that would happen, would be if I let myself feel. So practically, I've done the same thing. I ran.