Love Is Not Enough | Chaelisa

Chapter 25

Instead of the usually displeased groan that followed after the rays of the morning sun invaded my close eyelids, shining right into my eyes when I forgot to close the blinds, I smiled. Not because I was awoken from the much-needed sleep, that my body and mind were lacking for too long now, but because of the realization that dawned on me the second my mind was brought into reality. Because as soon as I woke up, I took notice of the warmth on the left side of my body, as another body was curled into my side, tiny fists grasping at my shirt, as if afraid I would leave. If only she knew that was the last thing I wanted.

I missed this. Having someone helping you keeping the bed warm, keeping you safe under the covers, and filling up the empty space of the lonely room. I missed having slept like a baby throughout the night, without any nightmares waking me up, which would lead up to intense panic attacks. I missed the sound of another breathing aside from mine, that gave me a sense of calm, as it was accompanied by the steady beating of a heart that wasn't my own.

And most of all, as ridiculous as it sounded, I missed the numb pain in my arm due to it being slipped and kept, under the weight of another body for several hours. It wasn't all for her comfort though, it was for just as mine as it was for hers. Being able to hold the person you held dearest to your heart in your arms, protecting them from the dark shadows of the night, keeping them safe in your embrace, keeping them close. Everything was worth it when I knew that at the end of the day, she was mine to hold, no one else's. Friends or more, she was mine to protect, and nothing could ever change that.

If someone were to ask me a few days ago what mornings meant to me, I'd say the new day, a fresh start to change, to make things better for yourself, a new chance. If someone were to ask me now, I would say this. It was that simple. Having the chance to wake up to the body sleeping next to yours, while you were awake and stared at the beauty that you couldn't believe was next to you. Tracing the features of the ones you cared about the most softly with your eyes as if scared a simple, gentle touch could break them like a fragile glass. This was what mornings meant to me when I was with her. Absolute, complete bliss.

So when I opened my eyes to finally be able to look at the face of the girl who I just got back, I was pleased to see her still sleeping peacefully. Her chest was rising and falling steadily against mine, and just knowing her breathing was intact, not that there was any reason it shouldn't be, made me even happier. 

Yesterday, for the first time, I've admitted my true feelings to both her and myself. The ones that I tried so hard to conceal under all the pressure I put upon myself, that I tried so hard to send into nonexistence, just to make my life easier because I wasn't ready to deal with the confusion fogging my mind. But at the end of the day, by not facing my fears, I only made it harder for everyone. If only I was honest from the start, I could've prevented Rosie getting hurt the way she did. I could've been holding her in my arms like this, for much longer.

The recollection of the memories the night prior flooded my mind and my smile widened promptly. After the kiss we shared, or should I say two, we laughed like idiots through our tears and fell asleep in each other's arms, both of us being exhausted both physically and emotionally. The blonde girl hasn't wasted any time as her body curled into mine, the second my back hit the softness of the mattress.

An objection wasn't something I was familiar with, as she searched for the warmth radiating from my body, and reached for my right hand to entwine our fingers together as we slept. It wasn't exactly the latest of hours, but seeing as both of us have been too tired to actually talk about what has happened, we didn't. I didn't mind though, I was content with holding her no longer trembling body in my arms, and burying my head in her blonde locks, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo.

Initially, I have thought I made a mistake. That telling her how I felt at a moment she was so vulnerable, was the worst thing I could've done. But no matter how hard I tried not to tell her, I failed in the end. My feelings for the brown-eyed beauty were just too overwhelming to be simply kept on the inside. And still, I surprised even myself with the words that rolled off my tongue, as if I was practicing how I'd deliver them once the time was right. The thing was though, neither have I been practicing nor was the time right. At least it seemed to me that way when she stared at me with an expression I couldn't quite read.