Far Away

5

"Oh God..."

"Macy... I know this must be a lot for you to take in right now, but please don't be mad..." 

All I can do is stare at "Edward" looking back at me on my phone. He looks at me with concerned and nervous eyes. He waits for me to say something, but I'm speechless. This was who I've been speaking to for months... This was the guy I had feelings for... How could the boy I thought I knew so well be... Harry Styles?

"Please don't be upset..." Harry says.

"Upset?" I shake my head and try to think of what it was that I was feeling. Shocked, yes. Confused, absolutely. Upset? A little. "You lied."

"I'm the same person, Macy."

"No, you're not!" I exclaim. "You're... Harry Styles..." In this moment his name sounds more like a title, not a person. Not the person I thought I knew. "You left out your entire life Edwa-" I stop short and correct myself. "Harry..."

"I know." Harry says, he clenches his jaw and looks down. "But everything I've told you about myself is the truth, I just skipped out on some extra details..."

I run a hand through my hair and look away from the screen. I know this was hard for him, considering how much he put off telling me. I want to understand why he hid this from me, and I know in the back of my mind it makes sense but everything presenting itself just confuses and scares me. 

I was a normal, kind of boring girl from New York City, and I was talking to teen heartthrob Harry Styles... We were nothing alike... We were from two different worlds.

"Macy?"

"Yeah?" I say, my voice softer. I look up at my screen again and see his green eyes looking back at me, more nervous then they were moments before.

"What are you thinking?"

I bite my cheek and I'm filled with overwhelming sadness because I did have feelings for the boy I thought I knew. I connected to him. He knew sides of me no one else knew. But I can't think of a way this friendship, or whatever it could have been, can work. Would we always just be friends through a screen?

"This is just beyond what I was expecting." I say.

Harry nods, understanding. "I didn't want to lie to you, I was just scared of this happening when you found out." Harry says. "And I get it, you have every right to feel the way you do about this situation, but just for once I wanted to meet someone who really knew me, not what the world see's of me. I didn't expect to become so close to you, but you've become so important to me... and as time went on it just got harder to tell you. I didn't want to risk losing you... But if this is too much, then I understand. If you don't want me in your life, I'll respect that." 

I feel a sharp pain in my chest thinking of not having the boy I spoke to every day in my life, but I stay quiet. He was right. If I had known who he was from the beginning I wouldn't have acted the same with him. Our entire friendship would be different. But that didn't change the entire situation for me. I didn't know Harry Styles, I knew Edward. It seemed like an entirely different person to me.

"Macy?"

I snap out of my thoughts and look back at Harry. I bite my cheek and shrug. "I get it. I understand why you hid it from me." I said. Just as Harry starts to smile I continue. "But that doesn't mean everything hasn't changed... I can't make sense in my head how this could work."

"Are you breaking up with me?" Harry tries to joke but I sigh, and his nervous but playful smile drops. "So that's it then?" 

I nod, but I can't bring myself to end the call. A part of me didn't want to leave, but it felt safer to. He can go back to his fame and fortune and I can focus on my own, much more normal life. This made the most sense to me. 

"If you ever change your mind, I'll be around. I'm really sorry." Harry says, his voice soft. 

I clench my jaw and nod again. I touch the screen and hover my thumb above the end call button. 

"Bye, Harry." I say, and I press it quick before he could see me cry.

----------------

Lindsay snorts. "So it was Harry Styles the whole time? I knew that voice was familiar."

"Can you be serious for a minute, please?" I snap, crossing my arms.

Lindsay blinks at me and then sighs as she plumps down on my bean bag in the corner of my room. "Sorry." She mumbles. She looks around my room and bites her cheek as she thinks about something to say. "So, what are you going to do? Not talk to him ever again?"

I shrug, then nod. "That's exactly what I'm going to do."

Lindsay rolls her eyes. "Don't be an idiot, Mace." 

"What?" 

"You and I both know that's not what you want."

I frown, feeling attacked. "How would you know what I want?" I cross my arms, my defences up.

"I don't know, maybe because I've known you since we were in diapers? I can read you like a book. As much as you don't want to admit it out loud, I know you had... and still have feelings for Harry, Edward or not. I know that he's sparked up something from you that you haven't felt for a while. I know he makes you smile like a goof all the time, I've seen it. So he's Harry Styles, big whoop... He's still the same guy that you've been messaging for months on end, Macy. Deal with it. He didn't hire someone to text you, it's been him. All of those little things you'd ramble on about him was stuff he'd say to you. Things about him, Harry. And I've sat here listening to you gush about him constantly for months. If you want to throw a 'friendship' away from this, then fine. You can. It's up to you. But I know it'd be a mistake. You don't throw away someone that means so much to you over something like this. You work on it." 

Lindsay stands up and walks to my door, and I sit there, processing. 

"I have to get home now but don't make a stupid decision, Macy. Come to the realisation that this boy is special, no matter what his status is in the world."