Neutral Touch (K.N.J)

열 둘

You calm the storm within me.

Namjoon stared at the leaky ceiling while he rested his back against his bed. The leak hadn't been much of a burden until now. In fact, it had come as a surprise.

As the thunder crashed and the wind howled, rain thrashed heavily against the roof, causing the ceiling to drip with water. It had been too late to call a repairman; and as Namjoon was a construction worker, he was even too tired to fix it.

The events that the month of November, stacked on top of each other, falling tragically like a trail of dominoes. He wished he could do something to stop how he felt, or how things appeared, but all he could do was watch.

Namjoon wrapped an arm around his waist, shuffled against the bed, trying to ease his restless state. The dripping wasn't all that annoying if he didn't focus on it. It was more like a distraction from his thoughts for now.

•••

Namjoon watches the younger girl stare out the window. Her eager puffs caused the glass to moisten and fog over.

"He's not coming," The older boy muttered flipping through channels by a twist of the knob on the television.

The girl didn't bother replying, she sat at the window sill, and prayed that their father would come back peacefully. 

Namjoon sighed softly, rising from his cross-legged position. He wanted his sister to enjoy staying with him. He wasn't so bad...was he?

"Hey, Eunji, want a treat?"

That was enough for the dark-haired girl to focus her attention on her older brother.

Namjoon jolted awake as a crackle of lightning snapped through his neighborhood. He's always been a light sleeper. His right hand clutched his chest as he began to hyperventilate.

"It was just a dream." He slowly reminds himself.

These recurring dreams were becoming an issue. His brain was frying as he slipped his eyes shut, wiggling back into the thick duvet. 

"You gave Eunji candy before bed?"
Strong hands clenched in a fearful fist as Namjoon glanced nervously at the unwrapped chocolates. He glares at his younger sister for making such a mess.

Creamy milk chocolate smeared on her chubby cheeks as she stands behind her father's black-clad legs. She gripped his pants tightly, more scared of the outcome than the people themselves.

"I-I" Namjoon looks down, slouching his neck while slumping his shoulders.

"You know that I had a long shift tonight, but instead, you feed my daughter sweets?" He sucks his teeth, giving a disappointed sigh.

Namjoon's father worked as a police officer. He was rarely nice but he was prominently wrathful with a short fuse.

"You're such a bad kid, Namjoon."
He mutters, crossing his arms as the young boy stares at the physique of his father.

He was tall and strong, and very intimidating. The man was very unpredictable.

But those five words remained the same, tormenting day by day.

"You have so much potential to be good." His feet drag to the kitchen and he grabs a flask. "But instead, I see so many of those...those crime lords in you, Namjoon."

Sadness pooled in the depths of Namjoons stomach before boiling into something indescribable.

He was a bad guy.

He was a bad guy.

He was a bad guy.

Namjoon clenches his fist before red fills his eyes.

Another crash of thunder stirs Namjoon from his sleep. His eyes shift to the buzzing of his phone.

He reaches over to the bed and grabs his phone off the nightstand. 

"Hello?" He croaked.

"Hey, big brother." A voice giggled.

"What are you doing still up?" He sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"I work at the club, now. Of course, I'm up." She jokes laughing lightly. Her tone suddenly turns serious. "It's raining."

That slight yet grim detail reminds Namjoon of his dreams. He shudders a breath of grief. His poor sister...

"Look, I'm really worried about you, Namjoon."

Namjoon clenches the bridge of his nose with his forefingers. "We haven't talked, since...in how long? Now you're worried?"

Namjoon heart clenches at the thought of pushing away his younger sister. She wasn't very close to him already, but they clearly needed each other.

"Joonie," she whispers. Eunji tries to backtracking her words. "You know that's not what I meant-"

"You know, I really could've your help with Father. But you always stood there useless and pitiful." Namjoon shakes his head, tears welling in his eyes.

He could hear Eunji's breathing hitched. Maybe he struck a nerve. But right now he couldn't bring himself to care. 

He was stressed.

"I can't believe you're still on that. I couldn't do much, you know that, Namjoon!"

"Whatever." The thunder and constant screeching voice of his sister were causing a migraine. "Just...don't call back."

"Namjoon, I was worried..."

"Please?"

A sigh was heard before the call got disconnected.

Namjoon huffed before anxiety raised at his throat. He needed a release.

The phone buzzed again.

Slightly, annoyed he answers with a grit, "What."

"It's me." Her soft voice was like a calming antidote to the wreckage of his mind.

Namjoon calms himself before getting up from the bed. "Hye Jin... Are you alright?"

"Yeah yeah, I'm fine. I just..." She sucks in her teeth before muttering quietly. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

Namjoon eyebrows knitted together before he slipped on his shoes beside his bed. "Are you okay? Where are you? Hye Jin if your-"

A giggle calms him down as he slumps his shoulders, relieved. "I'm okay, Namjoon, honestly." 

Namjoon raises his brow. He never really spoke to her on her accord. Hye Jin never seemed interested or made an effort to speak to him besides confessional matters.

She was getting dangerously close.

His throat constricted him as his heart sped. "Hye Jin-"

"I can't sleep tonight. Your number was the first to pop up. Can we just...talk?"

Namjoon hangs his legs over the bed before taking off his shoes and lying back down. "Sure, the weather was pretty bad tonight anyways. I could barely sleep myself."

She hums, as they both speak about nontrivial issues until the sun slowly peaks.