Once (KaiSoo)

last entry

Last entry

Note: Listen to the song at the mm while reading.

--

Dear jagiya,

How are you? It's been a year since the last time I wrote to you.
Things changed easily, jagi. I missed the good ole days.

I didn't thought from my very first entry, he'll propose to me.
From the second, we got married.
From the third, Krystal came.
From the fourth, Jongin betrayed me.
From the fifth, he knew I knew it and raped me.
From the sixth, he continued having his affair with Krystal.
From the seventh, he introduced me to my in-laws that I am just his....friend.
From the eighth, he made me realize how much he hates me.
From the ninth, he poured the pail of water that made me feel like drowning.
From the tenth, he still continued his affair with her and I got my medical examination.
From the eleventh, he planned to lock me up somewhereㅡI am not capable of.
From the twelfth, I got AIDS and I got it from him.
From the thirteenth, I woke up in our bed and he's been sweet to me.
From the fourteenth, I knew that I was pregnant.
From the fifteenth, he said sorry to me.
From the sixteenth, he left and came home late when it was our 3rd monthsary as husbands.
From the seventeenth, I waited for him for hours and surprised me with his news.
From the eighteenth, I knew that Krystal was pregnant and Jongin is the father.
From the nineteenth, 7 months had passed and my life became worst.

But I tried my best to be alright for the sake of my baby. I didn't thought all of these would happen. Who would have thought that he'll love me and just walk away from me like he never loved me? I just laughed bitterly, I guess he never loved me.

I named our child Taeoh, just like what he wanted our future child's name to be. Since we got no one to support our financial problems, I just worked independently.

I didn't thought of pestering their family, they're now happy. And I can see Jongin's face that he's really happy and contented with the family he has right now.

I tried to make contact with him for him to see his child but he just kept on shoo-ing me away. I just smiled bitterlyㅡ tears running down on my face. I feel so pathetic when I wrote him once a letter. Do you wanna know what I've said to him, jagi?

I wrote this when he got married with Krystal.... the day when my world tore apart.

Jongin-ah,

I'm sorry for everything. For saying yes to you when you proposed, for hurting you, for pestering you, for giving you a child, for ruining your happy life with Krystal eversince... And I am sorry for loving you. I guess loving you was the worst decision I've ever made, because if I didn't loved you once, it won't turn into this. I'm sorry for everything, yeobo. I'm so sorry... Thank you for all the memories you've shared to me. Thank you for spending your time with me when you didn't knew it was the best times I've had in my life. Thank you... I hope you're contented now. You finally have your own happy family. I hope you will love and care for them as much as I love you. Please be good, Jongin-ah. I will miss you. You will always be in my heart. I love you, my Jonginnie. 사랑해... ♡

ㅡ Kyungsoo

I promised to myself that I'll be strong. I am still fighting my disease. And I wanna make it through the end with my baby.
Even though he didn't came back in our life, he'll always be in our hearts. He will always be remembered.

I once loved him as who he is, and I know that even once, he loved me. And I am contented with that. I loved him once and I'll love him until eternity ends.

Love,
Kyungsoo

PS. Jagiya, I will miss you.

PPS. Thank you for the memories.

THE END.