Steel

Chapter 11

Afraid.

He was admitting it. That I was right.

I took a deep breath, trying to figure out the right way to respond. His glacial eyes flicked back and forth between mine, as if trying to see what was going on in my mind through them.

"I'm afraid too, Grey. It's okay to be afraid," I murmured softly, taking his large hand gingerly in mine. His eyes flicked down to it, then slowly trailed back up to meet my gaze.

"I don't know how to do this. I've never been afraid to lose someone," he clenched his jaw slightly. "I guess I thought driving you away would make it easier to cope if you didn't make it out of this alive."

"Do you still think that?" I narrowed my eyes slightly.

"No. Not really. I'd rather lose you knowing that you still loved me than lose you and think your heart might belong to someone else," he huffed, dropping his gaze.

"Grey-"

"And seeing you every single day doing so well without me, becoming the most formidable force in Heaven and not- not needing me- I don't know, Greene. It makes me think your heart doesn't belong to anyone but yourself. No one could own you, not any part of you. You're a weapon of your own volition. You were created for a reason, and that reason was not me," he explained gruffly, his voice a little hoarse.

"I'd like to tell you you're wrong, but you're not. I am my own. And I think I'd forgotten that when I was with you. I did need you. I needed you to become who I am today," I sighed.

Grey's eyes locked on mine for a split second, a little wince of pain evident in them before he shook off my gaze and stood off the bed.

"You should get some rest," he mumbled sternly, his voice cold and hard as if trying to disguise his feelings as indifference.

My hand shot up and gripped his hand, intertwining my fingers with his slowly.

He paused, slowly turning and looking at me over his shoulder. His silvery eyes flashed with a fluorescent blue, his soul close to the surface.

"I still love you," I murmured gently.

Well. I guess this was it. I had been wanting to tell Grey that for a while now, and now that my fat mouth decided to go blab I guess we were doing this. However, his reaction surprised me.

His eyebrows creased a little bit and he turned to face me, slowly kneeling down in front of me.

Then, I decided to dig my grave a little deeper by saying-

"Don't think for one second that I ever stopped."

He paused, his cerulean blue eyes flicking back and forth between mine, his lips parted ever so slightly. Grey didn't know what to say. Fuck. I messed up.

"I've been terrible to you. I refused to talk to you and ran away from you, I broke up with you and then slept with someone else and caused you so much physical and emotional agony. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. How could you love me after all of that?" He breathed out, gingerly reaching up and cupping my cheek, running his thumb across it like he used to do. So gentle, like I might break. I savored the touch, leaning into him a little.

Maybe I didn't mess up.

"I know you," I murmured, meeting his eyes again. "You're more than what you did when you were afraid. I know you, Grey."

"I know you do, Greene," he sighed heartily, a lock of midnight hair falling down across his cosmic eyes. I reached out instinctively and brushed it away.