The Last Goodbye

Chapter Five

Okay this chapter is a bit depressing but bare with me because this is a depressing story. If you don't like depressing you might not want to read this... 

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I sat beside my mothers’ bed. She still had the tubes in her throat to help her breath. She was in terrible shape. The doctors still couldn’t tell if she was going to survive. There was a very slim chance that she would. I was afraid that she wouldn’t survive. My face was stained with tears. No matter how hard I tried they would not stop falling.

“Hey you should go home and get some sleep.” My dad placed his hand on my shoulder.

“I can’t. I have to stay with her. What if she wakes up and I’m not here?” I looked up and him as the tears threatened to fall once again.

“Sweetheart, it will be fine. I promise you, your mother is strong. She is going to make it through this. Go home and get some rest. You can come back tomorrow.” My father gave a slight unsure smile.

I nodded my head and stood up. I looked back at my mother’s lifeless body. I still held her cold hand in mine. A tear rolled down my face before I squeezed her hand and walked away.

“Logan’s waiting outside to give you a lift home.” My dad said before he took the seat next to my mothers’ bed.

I nodded and headed slowly down the long white hallway. Nurses and doctors were running around everywhere while some patients’ relatives sat around outside their rooms crying. Right now I knew how they felt, the loss of someone close to you is painful. I know that my mother is not gone but it feels as though she is. I wish more than anything that she will make it through this but a feeling in my gut tells me that she isn’t going to.

As I made it to the metal elevators I heard a loud beeping noise while doctors shouted “Code Red! We’re losing her! Nurses get in here!” in that moment I knew who they were talking about. It was my mother, she was coding. God, I knew that she wasn’t going to make it through this. Everything felt as though it were moving in slow motion as I ran down the hallway to her room. I rushed by the nurses and crying relatives of patients.

Finally I made my way into my mothers’ room to see my father crying and the doctors trying to bring her back to life. I stood there and watched my mother die. I watched as the doctors tried everything that they could do to save her. I watched as her heart rate monitor went dead. A straight red line with a monotone sound coming from it told me that my mother was dead. No tears fell this time. I was numb. I knew this was coming. I didn’t know that it would be this soon. I had faith that she would survive until I let go of her hand and walked out of her room.

“Call it” the doctor said as he covered my mother with the white blanket.

“Time of death, 11:30 p.m.” she said as she looked at the floor.

The nurse looked as though she had just lost a friend. She looked as though she should have done something more to save her. The look on her face looked like the face of despair. I couldn’t place it but I felt like this nurse felt my pain.

I looked over to the corner to see my father at my mother’s side holding her hand, crying as hard as he could. He was heartbroken; he had just lost the love of his life. Yet I stood here and couldn’t shed a single tear because I felt numb.  I wanted to cry and kick and scream and tell them there was more they could do. What good would that bring? I was unable to bring myself to cry or scream. I wished that I could have cried. It would have made things easier. I couldn’t look at my father anymore so I walked out of the room and towards the elevators.

As I entered the long white hallway again, everything was in slow motion still. People were still running around and others were still crying. Yet I had just lost my mother and I was not crying at all. I was empty inside. If you saw me then you would probably think that I just saw a ghost. I was spaced out as I reached the elevator. I didn’t realize what was going on around me. The elevator doors opened and just as I was about to step in a pair of strong arms wrapped around me.

I was confused but I didn’t care. I hugged this person back. I didn’t need any comfort right now since I felt nothing on the inside.

“Heather are you alright?” I heard the voice of my best friend

“Can we just go please?” I asked as I pushed him off of me and walked into the elevator.

Logan didn’t say another word the entire elevator ride. I looked around the lobby of the hospital. I saw the faces of people who looked as though they just lost a loved one as well. Why didn’t I look like that? Why was I walking around like a corpse? Why was I so lifeless? I felt heartless but I knew that I cared about the death of my mother. I hadn’t expected to come so soon. I wish that she had had more time.

We walked into the parking garage and I got inside Logan’s Chevy Silverado. He didn’t even turn the radio on as we pulled away from the hospital where my mother died, the place where my father was breaking and the place where I lost myself.

“Logan, where’s my brother?” I questioned as it finally hit me that my brother wasn’t at the hospital.

“When Timmy found the news he went over to his Miranda’s house. He couldn’t face your mother laying there in the hospital.” He said as he starred out the window with this blank look in his face.

“Why didn’t you call me?” he asked

I was taken aback by this question. I hadn’t even thought about calling Logan. I know that I always do things with my best friend and I knew that he was always around when I was down. I don’t know why I didn’t do it. I guess I didn’t want him to feel bad for me. I never want anybody to feel bad for me ever.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry.” I said looking down at my hands.

This was going to be tough. What are the kids at school going to think? Wait, what am I talking about? Why should I care what they think about? This was my life not theirs and I never cared about what they thought anyways.

“Can you please just take me home?” I asked.

“Sure” was all he said before the rest of the ride was silent.