The Wolf I Can't Reveal [A Kiribaku Werewolf & Soulmate AU]

twenty nine

Katsuki spent the rest of the day sitting at his desk, wallowing in self-loathing. He chugged the wine in his secret stash of alcohol in his closet one cup after another. He had managed to sneak more than a few bottles in while his parents were busy, and it proved to be worth it when he couldn't go out to drink. His secret stash would last him a week if he decided to drink daily.

Other than wine, he also had tequila and whiskey. Tequila was only there in case he really wanted to get wasted. It didn't take much tequila to get him drunk with it being 60% alcohol. Katsuki knew that once he became Alpha, he couldn't drink anymore. Well, at least not on a regular basis. Katsuki was struggling to drink just once a week, much less once a month or year.

Katsuki knew he had become an alcoholic. His wolf detested the scent of alcohol as much as he did. Despite this, he ignored the scent and chugged it down like any other drink, paying no mind to the protests of his wolf inside his mind. He relished in the taste of wine on the tip of his tongue, craving for more with every sip. It helped him escape reality when he wanted to. Getting drunk eventually became his safe place because he didn't have his thoughts bugging him at the back of his mind.

At this point, he was broken beyond repair. If he ever wanted to recover, he needed to find his mate and seal the matebond. His relationship with his wolf was collapsing just like all the other ones he had. Katsuki couldn't even speak to his mother without screaming anymore. He knew that his mother hated his drinking habits more than anyone else.

The memories of all the fights he had with his mother surfaced, making him wince before taking another sip. He could still remember the sound of her crying in her room after every fight. The guilt made knots within himself, ones that he couldn't untangle. Instead, he seemed to make it worse as his drinking habits spiralled out of control.

Katsuki had tried his hardest to avoid Ochako after Eijirou attempted suicide. Ochako didn't bother reaching out to him after that. Maybe the guilt was eating away at her too. Katsuki knew that she knew who his mate was, he just couldn't work up the courage to ask her. Everyone in the pack thought of Ochako as a disgrace. A wolf who rejected her blessing from the Goddess, thus rejecting the Goddess herself.

Werewolves didn't worship the Goddess as much as lycans did, but rejecting their soulmate was looked down upon universally. It was shameful, especially when they tried to return to their mates. The matebond was stronger than any other desire they had for other people, forcing them together against their will. It was a powerful force that even the strongest of lycans couldn't resist, not that they dared to. Lycans never defied the Goddess, only werewolves did.

The existence of werewolves itself was shameful. They weren't supposed to exist or walk on Earth. Ever. Katsuki was told all about it when he first started his Alpha training. The story of how a lycan raped human women after his mate died to spite the Moon Goddess, making werewolves after the women gave birth. It was the story that humans didn't know about and it was forbidden to be told.

Katsuki wondered what had made the Goddess mad at him. Denki was already considered as a late bloomer for finding his mate so late, but he was even worse. The thing that stung the most was that everyone seemed to know exactly who his mate was, but no one bothered to tell him. Well, except for that one time Denki gave him a hint; but it led to a dead end.

At the back of his mind, Katsuki always thought of Eijirou as his mate. A mere touch set fire on his soul and gave him purpose. The soft, long, red locks that brushed against his shoulders. The smile that could brighten his day but never seemed to touch his eyes. He knew that Eijirou had been broken beyond repair once. Eijirou had personally admit it. It wasn't a secret to anyone at the school.

Eijirou had a mate. Katsuki knew that, and it stung. He had seen the mark briefly before, and it looked as if he was marked in a rush. Besides, it looked as if the mark was the only connection he had with his mate. At the back of his mind, Katsuki hoped that he would never find his second chance mate. Humans who were mated to werewolves almost always had a second chance if they did nothing to anger the Goddess. Maybe then, he would finally have a chance.

That night, Katsuki feel into a restless sleep. He had fallen asleep in the midst of drinking, leaving a half full cup of wine in his cup. The bottle was empty, along with the other one lying on the floor near his bed. Mitsuki entered the room, scrunching her nose at the smell of alcohol and sighed as she cleaned up Katsuki's mess. She hoped that one day, Katsuki could at least let go of a bit of his self-loathing.

The next day, he was woken up by his alarm clock blaring right beside him. At the sound, Katsuki jumped and winced before turning off the alarm clock. It was still 6:20 in the morning. He groaned as the splitting pain in his head and back distracted all his senses. One thing he hated about drinking was the way reality slapped him across the face the very next day.

By the time he finally awakened, it was already 1PM in the afternoon. He wobbled down the stairs as he searched for the painkillers in the cabinet. He always had an abundance of them due to his heavy use of alcohol. He poured himself a cup of water and swallowed it along with two pills, hoping to at least numb his pain for a while. He looked for some leftovers in the fridge, grimacing when there was nothing cooked. He sighed. He was going to have to go hunting.

After killing a wild rabbit on the edge of his pack borders, he ate it as fast as he could before returning back inside his house and shifting. He rushed upstairs as soon as he finished shifting to change into some clothes before coming back down and turning on the TV, watching Food Wars. He found it mildly amusing to say the least.

Denki returned around 4, slamming a pile of homework onto the living room table, making Katsuki jump at the sound. He accidentally pushed a random button on his TV remote, causing it to change to a different episode. He glared at Denki.

"Well thanks for interrupting my anime." He snarled.

Denki glared at him back with just as much venom.

"Shut the fuck up. You have no clue how many excuses I had to make up for you. You better show up tomorrow, I'm not covering for you again. The teachers are starting to think you're skipping on purpose." He hissed before storming out the door, probably looking for Kyoka.

As much as Katsuki wanted to ignore Denki and continue watching his anime, his mother had started to complain about his grades. The last thing he wanted to face was the glare of his mother after looking at an F on another assignment of his. He shivered just thinking about it.

Groaning, he turned off the TV and went upstairs to get his pencil case, starting with his worst enemy. Math.

"I fucking hate algebra." He muttered under his breath as he looked at all the equations he didn't understand one bit.