Daddy - An SVU fic

67. To have, and have not...

"Baby, the sore breasts, the morning sickness, the fatigue..."

"I'm not pregnant. stop letting your imagination run wild." She said, kissing him while silently praying that she was right. "...besides, I'm too old..." which she meant. She was going to be 46 in a few months and she wasn't in denial about the fact that she had already begun getting faster, lighter periods. She hoped it was menopause and prayed constantly that she'd get there without another pregnancy happening. Her baby girl was her life and she didn't need more.

"You're not too old, you're only forty five. And would it be so bad? Honey, we've gotten married and built an amazing life with Serena. It'd be great to give her a sibling...or two."

"Two?" She said as she pulled away from him, grinning.

"...well, we can talk about that..."

"Elliot..."

This was just menopause starting, right?

...

The following week...

She sat in the bathroom, nervously waiting for yet another test, her fifth to finish up. It didn't matter the three that said she was definitely pregnant, she was clinging to the hope of the one that maybe gave a 'no'. She wasn't sure since the test displayed lines in both the pregnant and not pregnant boxes, but she was clinging to a small hope that perhaps there was no baby.

"Shit!" She said through tears, panic rising as she looked at the fifth and final test. Positive. Immediately, she pushed all of the tests from the counter into the garbage pail then sat on the edge of the tub and started to cry, then just as quickly, she stood up grabbed the trash bag from the garbage pail, picking up the tests and boxes that had fallen to the floor and shoved them into the bag before taking it downstairs, through the kitchen and out the back door, into the garbage bin. When she came back in, she washed her hands before taking the phone from her pocket and dialing as she wiped her eyes.

"Hi, this is Olivia Stabler, I was wondering if Dr. Reed could possibly see me? Yes, I know it's short notice but I-I was wondering ...any time. I could be there now if you...she can? A half hour? I can be there in twenty minutes." With that she hung up the phone, put it in her pocket then went and grabbed her keys from the table by the front door. Thankfully, Elizabeth had come to do laundry and was now out at the park with Serena, so Olivia quickly scribbled a note, grabbed a jacket and left the house to head to the Doctor's office.

...

"You're pregnant! And judging by your hormone levels, I'd put you at about six weeks." The doctor said as she came into her office.

"No! No I can't be..."

"Olivia, we ran the test twice." She confirmed to her softly as Olivia dropped her head into her hands, fighting back tears. This concerned the doctor, and she asked Olivia flat out as she handed her tissues. "Olivia, is there something I should be concerned about? Are you in trouble again?"

"No," Olivia answered as tears began to cloud her eyes and a few made their way down her cheeks. "It's nothing like that. Elliot's been wonderful which is why I don't know why I feel this way." She let out a cry into her hand. "He'd be so happy, but I'm just...I don't want to be pregnant; I don't want this."

"...you know, you do have options, it's still very early. "

"An abortion? I thought about that with Serena; I was sure that I would if I could just get free, and when I did, I couldn't. There had already been too much suffering and I just couldn't add to that. I couldn't put myself through any more then, and I don't know if I can now."