Now that I think about it, I've watched Camila grow up these past nine years. Each year she'd go through a different phase, especially when she became a teenager. I watched her attitude change along with her body as she matured. Well, I wouldn't say she's mature now, but she's getting there. I would have never thought in a million years that I would be thinking about the way her lips feel or how soft her skin is. What happened last night was terrifying, and the worst part is that I wanted it so fucking bad.
Its 6:15 in the morning and I hear Camila shuffling around in her room through the thin wall. Her winter break is over so she has to go back to school today. I'm so glad I graduated already."5 minutes, Camila!" I hear Sinuhe shout from downstairs.
"Ok!" She yells back.
I lie on my back just listening to her accidentally knocking things over and apologizing to no one about her clumsiness. I quietly laugh to myself.
Camila's footsteps come from her room and walk down the hall. The shadow of her feet stop in front of my door. A lump forms in the back of my throat. The door knob turns a little then stops. I hear her let out a long sigh before she turns around and walks down the stairs.
As soon as I hear the front door close, I stand out of bed and throw on a pair of old jeans and a jacket. I look in the mirror to see my hair is growing faster than I want it to. After a minute of looking for my keys, I finally find them underneath my bed. Its a little cold once I step outside, but after spending a week in Antarctica 2.0, it doesn't feel that bad. I unlock my piece of shit car and start up the old thing. I bought it from some guy that I used to buy weed from in high school. Besides the peeling paint job, it's a pretty good car.
My fingers twitch against the steering wheel, reminding me just how long it's been since I've had a cigarette. I know it's only been a couple days, but it's become a bad habit for me to smoke every day. Those things can kill you, oh shut up Camila.
Fuck, now I've got Camila in my head again.
My phone vibrates in my back pocket just as I'm pull up to a red light. I grab it and it's just the person I want to talk to.I it with one hand while my other rest on the steering wheel."Whats up, shit face?" I say.
I hear Ruby laugh. "Nothing much, asshole. Why haven't you called me?"
"A lot of reasons." I was gonna call her last night but you know..shit happened.
The sound of her footsteps in the snow can be heard through the phone.
"Uh oh. Let me guess, Camila kissed you again and you're going to pretend like you didn't like it?" Ruby says nonchalantly.
"Something like that. I'm just so fucking confused." I turn into the gas station and I park in a free spot.
"You kissed her back this time, didn't you?" How does this girl know me so well?
I lean back against my seat. "No."
"Liar, I bet you rubbed your head when you said that."Do I really do that? Shit, I did rub my head. How the hell do they notice that?
"Ok....I did." I say shamefully.
"When you kissed her what did it feel like?" Ruby asks.
Am I supposed to say it felt like rainbows and shit? The only thing I felt in that moment was her lips.
"I've gotta go Ruby, I'll call you later." I end the call before she can protest.
I rest my phone in my lap, annoyed with the reality of this whole situation. What did I feel when I kissed her? There's no doubt that I was horny, when am I not? But I wasn't just horny. I felt something else but I just don't know what it was.
My attention shifts from getting cigarettes to getting off. ___________________________
Riley has been a whore for as long as I can remember and that's what makes her such a good booty call. I met her in high school when she was known as the biggest slut in town. She wasn't the type to be ashamed about the amount of guys she slept with and I admired her for it. I never deleted her number after high school. We've always kept in touch, but we only talk when it involves sex.
I stare at the plain white ceiling as I try my hardest to enjoy her mouth around my cock. This is starting to feel like it's just a distraction. That's all she is though. A distraction from what's going on in my life.
Riley suddenly stops and I look down at her confused. I didn't even notice that she had pulled her blond hair back into a pony tail.
"Can you at least act like you're enjoying it? " Her blue eyes stare up at me from between my legs, her hands still stroking me slowly.
"I am." Fuck, I rubbed my head again.
"You're barely even hard." She let's go of me.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I sigh, tucking myself back into my pants and she stares up at me disappointed.
"Sorry, it's just-"
"A girl?"
Do all girls have mind reading powers or something? We lock eyes for a brief second before I look around her small apartment.
"I don't even know." I think out loud.
She sits on the couch next to me, her lips still red from the attempted blow job.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks.
I'm so sick of people trying to help me figure out what I'm feeling.
"No." I stand from Riley's couch and walk towards the front door.
I hear her say something like "text me!" before I walk out of her apartment in a state of confusion.
