"you need to let go."
tell me how. because i don't fucking know how. i wish i wouldn't let my emotions fuck with my intelligence. but the sad truth is, my feelings will always be stronger than what i know is right. anyone can tell me to do anything. and i will not. i will shit on their advice, and crash myself into waves and waved of sadness and heartbreak.
i keep breaking my own heart, and i cannot stop. maybe i'm just not strong enough.
i keep wishing and hoping that it is you who ends this. who tells me you don't want me anymore. who tells me i mean nothing to you. who breaks off everything that we've built together. but you never do. and i cannot.
look, it's so much easier to me if you just decided for me. it would break my heart if you really did and i would be a mess for so long. but it hurts me even more to keep going. because the truth is, i will never be strong enough to tell you i don't want you anymore. i will never be strong enough to tell you i've had enough of you hurting me. to tell you that this is not what i want anymore. and do you know why? because that would be a fucking lie.
it is easy to get over someone when you don't have to see them anymore. it's easy when you can just block them anywhere. it's easy when they don't exist anymore.
but it is fucking hard to get over you when i see you every day. it's fucking hard to see you smile and laugh and it's fucking hard not cry because i know you will never be mine. it's fucking hard to wish you the best, but then realize that i am not the best. it fucking hurts to see you and knowing that i will never be enough.
can you just let me go?
