Beyond His Green Eyes| ✓

Ephemeral

He went on. "Everybody comes to you when they have any problem, there's not one person from the group whose secret you don't hold, but you never talk about yourself to anybody at all. You've busied yourself so much in others, you barely have any time for yourself," he said, finding this quality of mine to be ridiculous and raising his hands.

"Yes, because I hate it. I hate talking about all this; it's my weakness."

"So, what? Just because you hate it doesn't mean you can keep all this bottling up inside you. Sydney, you can't run away from your problems because you hate them. You've to face them. Stop running away from things in life--"

I did not have the energy for this right now, so I cut him off. "Okay, you know what? I can't do this right now," I said, feigning a smile and picking up my bag.

"It's always this. Whenever we try to talk about you, you just want to jet. Whenever things get hard, or we're discussing the real stuff, you want to run the first chance you get. At this point, I don't even know if you really wanna be with me, if you really even care or you're just doing this for fun," he accused, running a hand through his already messy hair as a drop of sweat trickled down his forehead.

I turned around to face him. "Is that what you think about me? That I'm in this for timepass? That I'm not serious about you?"

Noah looked so mad, I would generally be scared, but his statements had triggered me equally. He scoffed at me. "You tell me, you flinch every time someone refers to you as my girlfriend, you wanna run for the hills the moment things get tough, you seem allergic to dependancy, you have so much fucking ego that you can't even share anything let alone ask for help and you don't even dare to call what we have a relationship, you refer to it as 'this thing between us,' now you tell me, how serious would you think I was when this is what I behaved like?" he shook his head at me. "You know how many girls would kill to be in your place?"

His cynical smile seemed to be like a knife, which was happily stabbing my heart. "If that's the impression that I have managed to give you all this while that I have been with you, then, Noah, maybe doing this wasn't right," I whispered, putting the thoughts in my mind into words. "Why don't you just get yourself another one of those girls who would kill to be in my place instead?"

"Are you saying we should break up?" he said, keeping his hand on his chest — sarcasm dripping from every word of his. "Oh no, wait, we don't even have a relationship; we just have a thing going on between us, and when you don't even have a relationship, how the hell can you break anything up? I mean, I am not even your boyfriend, right?"

Was he hearing himself right now? Is this really what he felt about me? Was he hiding his true feelings all this while to not hurt me and just going along with everything? Did he really have so many problems with me? 

A thousand questions were running in my mind right now, and I couldn't find an answer to any one of them, I wasn't sure if they even existed. I couldn't believe what was happening right now. "If that's how you truly feel, Noah, then thank god, I refrained us from using any labels, and thank god there isn't any real relationship between us because at least this way when it gets over, it won't hurt because I'm not losing anything. After all, you're not even my boyfriend, right?" I deadpanned, picking up my bag and leaving his apartment, slamming the door behind me.

I didn't know if it was because my sobs were so loud or because my mind was clouded with worry, but I swear I heard him mutter don't leave. I had no idea if it was my illusion of if he really did call after me. And I didn't even make it down two stairs without breaking down. I sat on the stairs, crying my heart out for the boy who owned it even after all of this went down.